Why I Overthink

The question of the day is "why".  Remember that.

Whether you believe me or not, everything happens for a reason.  I'm not being deep and philosophical.  I'm not suggesting some large-scale cosmic plan in which everything is working toward some common purpose.  I'm being very literal.  Everything happens for a reason.

Here are some examples.

You overslept this morning.  Why?  Your alarm didn't go off at the right time.  Why?  Your phone thought that it was daylight savings time.  Why?  Your phone gets its time from the phone company which provided it with the wrong time.  Why?  The government changed the date for daylight savings time relatively recently and your phone company didn't properly update to account for it.  Thus, you overslept because your phone company wasn't paying attention.

You broke up with your significant other.  Why?  They cheated on you.  Why?  They didn't feel they were getting what they needed from you, so they found it elsewhere.  Why?  They didn't properly communicate with you about what they needed out of the relationship.  Why?  You didn't ask.  Thus, you broke up with your significant other because you didn't communicate with them.

You failed your test.  Why?  You didn't study.  Why?  You thought you understood the material.  Why?  You seemed to understand it all in class.  Why?  You only paid attention to the examples he showed you that were easy and zoned out during the harder ones.  Thus, you failed your test because you zoned out during class.

You see?  Everything happens for a reason.  You could stop before any of the "why"s in these sequences and use that as your reason for why something happened.  You could also follow these reasons up with more "why"s and get completely different reasons.

I said that "why" is the question of the day.  I don't think people ask this question enough.  Asking why something happened can help you make sure that it doesn't happen again.  It can also lead you to believe that nothing is your fault and that ultimately someone else is responsible for your actions.  I'm not going to tell you that . . . today.  Not asking "why" enough means you aren't getting the whole story.  Asking "why" too much will lead you to eliminate the possibility of free will.  That's scary.

The trick, as is so often the trick, is moderation.  You have to ask "why" enough to get to a point that you can do something about it.

In the oversleeping example above, it's easy to continue on and pin the blame on the phone company, but if you do that, there's not really anything you can do about it.  If you stop sooner and look at the fact that your phone didn't know the correct time because it gets its information from the company, you find that there's a solution:  set another alarm that doesn't rely on anything but its own power.

In the breaking up example, it's extremely easy to stop at your significant other cheating on you, but that doesn't help anything.  Continuing on allows you to see that in future relationships, you need better communication. 

In the test example, it's easy to stop at "you didn't study", but that probably won't fix this problem in the future because of that reason's "why".  If you think you understand the material, even if you do force yourself to study, you won't study well because you think you understand it.  By following this one further, you find that you are zoning out in class which is something you can change, it will just take some work and may require a few more "why"s to reverse.

On the way back to my dorm tonight, I was, as I have found I enjoy doing more than I care to admit, listening to a radio show where people call in and talk about their problems.  Tonight, however, I found myself very frustrated with the people on the show, because they didn't ask that beautiful question of the day.

Most of the people in the show tonight were calling about problems with relationships.  Either it was that they had broken up with their significant other or that their family didn't approve of said other.  In both cases, these people didn't ask "why".  Your girlfriend's family is upset with her suddenly after she moves in with you before the two of you get married.  Why?  Your boyfriend feels like he can communicate with his friend better than with you.  Why?  Your family is calling you a whore.  Why?

It was driving me nuts.

If you are a regular reader, you have probably learned by now that I have a tendency to overthink things.  I know that about myself.  I'm ok with that.  I'm telling you this for a reason.  Why?  I think being an overthinker is much better than an underthinker.  Why?  If you underthink, you may end up stuck with something you can't change.  If you overthink, you can always back up a few steps and find something you can change.

You can follow the "why"s all the way back to the beginning of time.  I did it once.  It was scary.  It creates a long, complicated chain that inevitably makes everything God's fault.  Unfortunately, that takes the situation out of your hands.  You can settle for that and assume that nothing is your fault or you can realize that a chain doesn't work if it's missing a link.

By breaking the chain at a single point, you eliminate the end of it.  All you have to do is find one link in the chain that you can cut, and you can avoid ever reaching the end of that chain again.

By setting another alarm, communicating in future relationships, and making sure you don't zone out in class, you break the chain and make sure you don't reach the endings of oversleeping, nasty break ups and failing tests.  You just have to find the one link you're strong enough to break.

Just ask "why".  Overthinking isn't as bad as you think.