"Here I am. Send me."

For Christmas this year, one of the best presents I got was a guitar.  I tried to learn guitar a few years ago (I think it may have been in middle school?), almost convinced myself that I had learned one song, then became disinterested in it.  Over the summer at camp, I wanted to learn again and almost convinced myself I had learned a few chords, but I didn't have a guitar of my own and was far too lazy to ask someone else to borrow theirs every time I wanted to play.  My hope was that if I owned a guitar, I would be more motivated to learn to play it.

It seems I was right.  I guess even a blind squirrel gets a nut every now and then.

Since Christmas, I have fairly effectively convinced myself that I can play several songs on it and can pull off most of the chords needed to play camp songs.  As I was flipping through the little book I've been using to teach myself (the green camp book with such winners as "Muff the Tragic Wagon" and "Somebody Touched Me"), I came across my all-time favorite hymn.

It's one of those songs where the people who compile these books are never entirely sure what to call it.  I know it as "Here I Am, Lord", but I've also seen it as "I the Lord of Sea and Sky", and something else that made no sense to me so I didn't take the time to remember it.  Whatever you call it, I love it.  I looked around on YouTube for quite a while listening to different versions of this song and, interestingly, decided I like it a lot more when sung in a group rather than as an individual.  After listening to nearly a dozen that I didn't think did it justice, I heard this one.  LOVED IT!

Here I Am, Lord arr. Craig Courtney

Since I learned it and it's my favorite, I've spent a lot of time playing it.  Since I've spent a lot of time playing it, I've, of course, spent a lot of time thinking about it.  I say that it's interesting that I like it better when sung by a group because it's a very VERY personal and intimate song . . . at least I thought.  We'll come back to that.

In my thoughts about this song, I've considered many aspects of it.  The first is the correlation between it and my confirmation verse:

"I heard the voice of the Lord say, 'Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?'  Then I said, 'Here I am.  Send me."  Isaiah 6:8

My wonderful confirmation teacher was kind enough to let us choose our confirmation verses for ourselves rather than picking them for us.  I had loved this verse for a long time and have since used it to try and look at my life.  It's become something of a personal mission statement for me.  I've also always loved the story I associate with the verse (even though they don't necessarily go together).  That's the story of Samuel's call.  You can read it in 1st Samuel 3 if you're interested.  This was the obvious standout from the song.  Kind of the, "Duh!"  I didn't stop there.

(Side Note:  Apparently I'm not the only one who's mad this connection, because according to my sources, the author of "Here I Am, Lord" based it on both of these.)

Through my analysis of the song, I came across some other choice quotes that stuck out:

• All who dwell in dark and sin, my hand will save.
• I will make their darkness bright.  Who will bear my light to them?
• I will break their hearts of stone, give them hearts for love alone.
• Finest bread I will provide till their hearts be satisfied.
• I will give my life to them.
• Whom shall I send?
• I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
• I will hold your people in my heart.

The basis of the song is a conversation.  The verses are God talking and the chorus is the human response.

God's comments are very interesting throughout the song.  He says repeatedly, "I will do this."  He says that he will make their darkness bright, break their hearts of stone, and give his life to them.  However, he follows up all these grand statements of what he will do rather quickly with questions of "Who will bear my light to them?" and "Whom shall I send?"  Wait a minute.  I thought God was planning on doing all of this?  As a kangaroo in an odd little video would say, "WTF, mate?"

This is really where things got interesting to me.  God makes such grand statements about what he's going to do, but then he starts asking for volunteers.  I was then bashed upside the head with the ELCA's (what's the word?  Motto?  Slogan?  I'm gonna go with slogan) slogan, "God's Work.  Our Hands."  Paul said in one of his oh so many letters that we are the body of Christ.  God's taking volunteers because we're his hands, feet, and mouth out here in the world.  He may be making their darkness bright, but we're the ones who are supposed to bear his light.  He may be breaking their hearts of stone, but he sends us in after to pick up the pieces for him.  Heck, we may be the ones wielding the sledge hammers to bash open their hearts.  He needs us.

But for what?

Because of the story of Samuel, I've always associated this song with calling a prophet.  Samuel spoke to God when he was alone in his room and was called to be God's voice.  This is similar to so many prophet's calls.  They are called to hold God's people in their hearts.  Since pastors are the closest thing we have to prophets today, I've also always associated this song with being called into ministry.  Again, that's an easy stretch.  However, prophets were generally loners.  They wouldn't be singing this song in a group.

So why do I find it more powerful and meaningful when sung by a group?  For that matter, why do so many people who aren't in the ministry field moved by it?  It must relate to them somehow.

I spent more time than I care to admit thinking about that little problem.  How does this relate to everyone?  When it finally came to me, it seemed so obvious that I put myself in timeout for an hour.  Jesus said straight up how this relates to everyone.  Yeah.  I said Jesus.

The last line of the chorus was simultaneously the source of my frustration and the key to finding the solution.  It says, "I will hold your people in my heart."  Just before putting myself in timeout, it became obvious to me that this was actually a very simple phrase that had poetically worded.  Translated it simply means, "I will love your people."  To you that picked up on this a long time ago, I know.  I can hear you cries of, "Well, duh!" through time and space, and that's precisely why I put myself in timeout.

When asked which of the commandments is the greatest, he wisely responded:

"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"  Matthew 22:37-39 (NIV)

Great, so it makes sense, right?  We're all called to love, and that's what the song is saying.

Ok.  But love is a weird word, isn't it?  I mean, is it an emotion?  Is it an action?  Is it romantic?  Is it fraternal?  How many people can you love at once?  How do I know if I love someone?  How do I know if someone loves me?

This can mostly be chalked up to limitations in the English language.  English has one word for these things.  Greek has three.  It has one for romantic or erotic love, one for brotherly love, and one called Agape that people have only ever described to me as the love God has for us.  Some people call it unconditional love, but I haven't taken enough time to consider the ramifications of that phrase.  I think the truth is that we don't really have sufficient language in this area to say what is really meant.  That's why the Greeks came up with a word for it.

I would like you to notice that in the verses love is a verb.  It's not just something you feel or something that's there.  It's something you do.  Combine this with Agape and you've really got something.

My personal definition of this kind of love actually comes from the movie Robots.  In this movie, there's an inventor.  He says that the best way to come up with an invention is to look for a need and then start trying to think of ways to fill that need.  It kinda becomes an ongoing motto in the movie:

"See a need, fill a need."

This is what love is.  You have to see what needs other people have, then work to fill them.  So does that mean that I should walk up to everyone I meet, ask them what they need and then spend the rest of my day catering to their every whim?  No.  Interestingly, humans are very good at this kind of love already, they just don't realize it.  You probably could be doing it every day.

Are you a teacher?  Love people by educating them.  Are you a pastor?  Love people by helping them to become spiritually filled.  Are you a fry cook?  Love people by helping them to get fed.  Are you a lawyer?  Love people by helping them get justice.  Are you a parent?  Love people by raising them well.  Are you a mechanic?  Love people by helping them transport themselves.  Are you a doctor?  Love people by helping them stay healthy.  Are you a student?  Love people by working hard to learn how to love people in whatever your future profession may be.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."  Colossians 3:23 (NIV)

Whatever it is you do, find your own way to show people you love them.  I think there's another song in there, actually:

That's How You Know

Ignoring the awesomeness that is old men dancing, and the fact that I love this movie and desperately want everyone in my left to burst into coordinated song and dance one day, this song has some good points.  You can find your own way to show people you love them with everything you do.  The grand gesture like planing a picnic are great, but sometimes it's wearing someone's favorite color that could show them the love they need.  Ask yourself regularly, "Who am I loving by doing this?"  If you answer yourself with, "No one." then why are you doing it?

"Whom shall I send.  Who will go for us?"

You aren't alone in this.

Here we are.  Send us.