You Know What's Stupid? (The title of this article is in no way meant to reflect the author's belief that humans are intellectually inferior to dolphins.)

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas!

Homosexuality is an abomination!

Homosexuality is natural!

Abortion is a woman's choice!

Abortion is murder!

Great.  Now that I've sufficiently offended everyone and taken political correctness off the table, maybe I can actually get down to saying something worth saying.  And here it is:

Everyone is in the wrong.

I'll start with where everyone else seems to be this morning:

Duck Dynasty

Basically (for those who haven't heard and are too lazy to read the article above), Phil Robertson said some things in an interview that were considered offensive to the GLBT (That stands for gay, lesbian, transgender, and bisexual for you kiddos reading!  Ask your parents about those words!  They'll love it!)(The previous parenthetical statement may be taken as honest or sarcastic.  Whichever one offends you more.) community, and has been taken off of Duck Dynasty indefinitely by its network, A&E, who is a supporter of the GLBT community.

Let's start from where most people in my life are sitting:

A&E:  You are stupid.

Look at what A&E has done:  They made a right-wing, conservative Christian family into celebrities and then were shocked when they expressed beliefs contradictory to more liberal ideas.  What did you expect?  Something like this was bound to happen.  The Bible does have verses that say that homosexuality is wrong.  The one that Phil Robertson paraphrased was 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 in which the author says in no uncertain terms that homosexual men (It really doesn't say anything about women, so you gals are good to go!) will not inherit the kingdom of heaven.  The Robertson family has never done anything to suggest that they are anything but firm believers in the Bible.  Is anyone really surprised that Phil said something that lined up with the traditional interpretation of scripture?

Now the other direction:

Phil Robertson (but more so, anyone surprised by his suspension):  You are stupid.

Look at what the Robertsons did:  They, as a right-wing, conservative Christian family, got into business with a company that is a self-proclaimed "supporter and champion of the LGBT community".  What did you expect?  Something like this was bound to happen.  Television companies have to be very careful about what they put on their stations.  More importantly, however, they have to make sure that whatever they air lines up with their core beliefs as a company.  As a company that believes in tolerance and acceptance, they have a moral obligation to do something about one of their biggest stars saying something so powerfully against their values.  Is anyone really surprised that A&E took Phil off the air for saying something that was incredibly offensive to their audience?

This situation was bound to happen eventually.  Why is ANYONE surprised about what happened?!

Political correctness has gone too far.  I'm all for being open and accepting, but come one, people.  Chill out.  These aren't new ideas!  In fact, these ideas have been around for a while!

The idea that marriage is for love is an incredibly recent development in society.  In all honesty, marriage was for centuries a sort of political union solidified by children.  The first people to have marriages were royalty and they were for just that reason.  In as late as the 18th century, extra-marital affairs and not marriages were considered the highest form of romantic love.  By this interpretation of marriage, homosexual marriage is stupid and a waste.  On the other side of that coin, however, that isn't what marriage is anymore.  Marriage is a public declaration of love and a legal joining of households.  If you want to marry any other legally recognized, consenting, sentient being, go for it!

The idea of homosexuality, however, also isn't anything new.  In ancient Greece, including Sparta and Athens, women were considered to be for making babies.  You didn't have sex with your wife because it was enjoyable.  You had sex with your wife because it was your civic duty to propagate your family line.  Other men were there for your enjoyment.  On the other side of that coin, however, homosexuality did disappear for a while with the rise of Christianity.  For many years, it was accepted as deviant behavior.  It's gonna take a while before Christians ever relent on that.  Get used to it.

Creationism isn't science.  You don't believe in evolution or the big bang?  Fine.  But they are science.  If you can't accept that, homeschool your children.  The idea that creationism should be taught in public schools is really just silly.  Do you also want your child to be taught that Farakrea the Great Celestial Sloth, vomited the world into existence?  What if that's what I believe?  Hmmmm?  Don't I have a right to let my children learn that as science?  Hmmmm?!  (The previous statement regarding Farakrea the Great Celestial Sloth should be regarded as an example of how strange creationism seems to those who do not believe it and not a statement of belief on the part of the author or any sane person on Earth.)

While I'm angsting about that:  I was once presented with the argument that evolution is a ridiculous theory because humans have never observed it happen.  Duh.  The earliest written record dates to the 6th century BC (or BCE depending on whether we're being politically correct or traditional).  That means that all of recorded human history has taken place over about 27,000 years.  According to scientists who support the big bang theory and evolution, Earth is roughly 4,540,000,000 years old.  That means that humans have observed approximately 0.0006% of the Earth's life.  That means that if you condensed the Earth's life down to a year, humans wrote stuff down for the last 3 minutes.  I know you didn't work a single day last year because you slept through my New Year's Eve party.  You lazy jerk!

Forcing political correctness is the same thing as imposing your beliefs on others.  You are forcing me to say that what you believe is equally valid to what I believe.  Honestly, some of the things you believe are just dumb.  While I'm riding that train of thought, in some circles, it's now becoming politically incorrect to be politically correct.  I'm looking at you "You better say Merry Christmas" people!

How to Spread the Christmas Spirit

If I want to say Happy Holidays, I'm going to!  I want all of your holidays to be happy!  It really is a bummer to not be happy on any given holiday.  I want you to have a Merry Christmas, but I also want you to have a happy Hanukka, Kwanzaa, Eid al-Fitr, Thanksgiving, New Years, Boxing Day, Eat-a-Red-Apple Day, Humbug Day, Maple Syrup Day, Ninja Day, Monkey Day, Make-A-Cut-Out-Snowflake Day, and, most importantly, Bacon Day!  If I thought I could keep your attention long enough to wish you all of those, I would, but there just isn't time to do that with everyone you meet.  It's so much easier to say "Happy Holidays".  This time of year has so much to celebrate, why are you limiting yourself?

Happy Holidays and Other Four Letter Words

To those of you who are reading this and realizing how wishy-washy and noncommittal I'm being about whether anyone is right or wrong with their particular political correctness (except maybe teaching creationism as science), it's because I have one very simple point here:

Everyone is in the wrong.

No matter what you do, you're going to offend someone.  Get used to it.  Get over it.  Now get on with your life, and enjoy all that this rich, complicated, fascinating world has to offer you!







Update (like five minutes later):  Also this:  Tolerance.  That is all.

My Diabadass Sister

It's been a while since I got a haircut.

When I was younger, I always kept my hair buzz-cut.  It was short.  I mean REALLY short.  I knew it was time to get a haircut whenever I had to do anything to it when I woke up.

I don't remember why I started doing it, but somewhere around my freshman year of high school, I started growing my hair out.  And I liked it!  My hair grew out in beautiful blonde curls (of which I am INCREDIBLY proud!) and somehow having bigger hair made my head look smaller.  Ever since, it's been my identifier:  the thing that makes me unique.  Because of that, I've resisted getting it cut since then like a turkey resists going out on Thanksgiving, but in high school, I still always knew when to get it cut, because the coaches would tell me.

Then I graduated.

Ever since I graduated from high school, my hair has gotten out of control.  It's REALLY long right now, and if it were straight, it would be even longer.  When I pulled it straight just now, it reached to at least six inches below my shoulder . . . and that wasn't one of the longer locks.

Knowing when to get a haircut is more difficult now.  In the past, I've tended to get a haircut just before something big is about to happen.  I planned on getting a haircut just before camp at the start of the summer, but the one person that I trust to cut my hair right now was suffering from a hand injury.  I honestly can't remember when I got a haircut before that, so, needless to say, I haven't had one in a while.

That's about to change, because of this beautiful little girl:

But first, something completely different.

There is currently a disease raging across this nation.  This disease affects adults and children with no discrimination by age, weight, or lifestyle.  It appears suddenly and causes immediate dependence on multiple daily injections.  Right now, around 3 million Americans are plagued by this disease and roughly 15% of those are children.  EVERY YEAR this disease accounts for $14.9 billion in health care costs.

There is currently no known cause or cure.

Type 1 diabetes has hit pretty close to home for me ever since my baby sister was diagnosed with it her freshman year.  She has done her best since then to keep this news under wraps, hoping that people wouldn't treat her differently, but now that she's graduated from high school, she's decided that it's time for her story to be heard.

For some reason, and I reiterate that no one knows what that reason is, the bodies of people with type 1 diabetes don't produce any insulin.  This means that from her freshman year onward, Sarah gave herself at least six shots of insulin a day in addition to pricking her fingers countless times to check her blood sugar.  Yeah, be nice to diabetics.  They have to deal with enough pricks already.

But a few pricks just scratches the surface of what diabetes has meant for Sarah.

Being diagnosed with diabetes means an entire lifestyle change.   She must pay close attention to what she eats, when she eats it, the regularity of her exercise, how much sleep she gets, her stress level, and dozens of other factors that contribute to your body’s blood sugar levels.  The insulin pump she recently switched to using has reduced the number of shots every day, but since there is no known cure for type 1 diabetes, she will continue to deal with it her entire life.

Despite all of this, Sarah participated and excelled in basketball, tennis, softball, track, and cross country, was a section leader and state solo & ensemble qualifier in band, class president, student council member, was on multiple UIL academic teams, AND was valedictorian of her class.

She's pretty awesome.

So here's the deal.  On September 28th, the American Diabetes Association is sponsoring the Step Out Walk for Diabetes in our area and our family has put together a team.  When we started fundraising, we set a goal of $1000, and I REALLY want to see us at least reach that goal.  As of the time I'm writing this post, we have $414.  It's a start, but it's not quite there yet.

Sarah (along with several other people) has been telling me for a while now how badly I need a haircut.  Hopefully, she'll be getting her wish soon.

If our team can reach our goal of $1000 by the walk, I will not only get a haircut, I'll let her decide how it should be cut.

Whether you want to donate to the ADA and help them to, in my sister's words, "kick diabetes' butt," or whether you want to contribute to the "convince that weird kid with the unnecessarily long hair to get a haircut" fund, you can donate here:

http://main.diabetes.org/goto/Freitag

Help force me to get a haircut.

Help those people who "give vampires a sugar rush".

Help the ADA fight diabetes.

The Brine of Pickled Fish

I think tomatoes are gross, but they are absolutely nothing compared to the atrocity that is ketchup.

According to Wikipedia, the word ketchup comes from a Chinese word meaning the brine of pickled fish which pretty much says everything you need to know about it.  Originally, it had nothing to do with tomatoes, but today it's mad from tomatoes, vinegar, the tears of demon children, and other assorted spices (depending on who makes it).  In the early 19th century, ketchup was more popular than fresh tomatoes.  Apparently, people were afraid that it was unsafe to eat raw tomatoes.

My disgust of ketchup goes far beyond a simple dislike for the way it tastes.  I have something closer to a ketchup-phobia.  It makes me want to puke when I simply touch it.  I can't believe when I see people eating it, and it disgusts me when I think about it ending up on any of my stuff.

I truly believe that ketchup in an abomination and a crime against nature.

But as long as they keep it away from me, I've never stopped anyone else from eating it.

Just a little something to think about this week.

Bye.

This post marks the official launch of the all-new VeeBJamN Network.  But, as Semisonic observed, "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."  And so, it seems only appropriate to open by pondering an idea that is usually brought to light as things end:

Bye.

 I once heard that there is a language (I can't remember which one) with no word for "goodbye".  I didn't question that fact nearly enough at the time.  According to the mysterious source of this information, the speakers of that language said things such as "see you later" rather than "goodbye", based on a belief that "goodbye" suggests a break in the relationship.  An end.

Here's why I say that I didn't question the fact nearly enough:

What does "goodbye" even mean?

For whatever reason, that question never occurred to me until after I had already learned the meaning.

One of the many new beginnings around me is the start of a new Sunday school year.  My Sunday school class has a new teacher and a new framework.  This year, we are using a method called the Faith Five.  The idea being that there are five things we are doing whenever we meet:  share, read, talk, pray, bless.  We used the Faith Five one week and forgot the last of the five:  bless.

As I was discussing the fact that we skipped that, it occurred to me that blessing is not really something that we do normally in our society.  Aside from saying "bless you" after people sneeze and the occasional long-winded, dramatic, and stylized blessings we offer in a religious setting, I can't really think of any times that we actually bless each other.  I was apparently not the only one who thought of this, either.  I talked to our teacher (who also happens to be my mom and our pastor) about it, and she came to class with a rather simple and elegant solution:  goodbye.

Thus, I turn back to the question at hand:  What does "goodbye" mean?

Apparently the etymology of "goodbye" begins with the rather simple blessing "God be with you".  When it began, it was said in another time where they would have actually said "God be with ye" which was eventually contracted to "godbwye" (which I have no idea how to pronounce).  Then, thanks to the standard greetings such as "good morning", "good evening", etc., it became "goodbye".

So, in effect, whenever you say "goodbye", you are blessing the person you are speaking to.  Going even another step further, since the word "bye" is a further contraction of "goodbye", even when you just say "bye", you are offering someone a blessing.  (Insert mind-explosion sound effect here.)

With all this in mind, let's turn back to the alleged language without a word for "goodbye".  One of the alternatives that these people supposedly used instead of saying "goodbye" was "God be with you" . . . you know, "goodbye".  Instead of saying "goodbye" they said "goodbye".  That, of course, makes perfect sense.

There are several morals to this story:

1. Blessings are not as strange and uncommon as we may think, because every time you say "bye" you are blessing someone.
2. People say things that don't make sense, and if you don't question them, they'll continue to get away with pure falsities that don't actually makes sense once you truly understand them.
3. If you click on links on Facebook, you may end up reading an unnecessarily in-depth article about a three-letter word.

Bye.

Meet the VeeBJamN Network

Well congratulations to me.  I graduated!!!  ( . . . like three months ago.)

As everyone knows, graduation marks a turning point in life.  For many, it means leaving behind what you've been doing and going on to either more school or some job out in the real world.  For myself, it means blindly leaping from the safety and comfort of being a student and charging forward into the great unknown.

Whenever someone finds out that I've graduated, I am obligated to go through the same conversation with them that I've had with everyone I've come into contact with lately.  It almost always sounds almost exactly like this:

"I just graduated from college in May."
"Really?  So what are you going to do now?"
"I'm not really sure.  I'm sort of figuring it out as I go along."
"Well what's your degree in?"
"Mathematics."
"Well do you want to teach?"

And so it goes every time.  Here's how the conversation would go if I didn't run my language through a Social-Acceptability Filter:

"Crap.  I'm so sick of having this conversation.  Is there a way I can cleverly avoid telling them that I've graduated?"
"Really?  So what are you going to do now?"
"None of your damn business."
"Well what's your degree in?"
"Math.  Don't you dare say anything about teaching."
"Well do you want to teach?"
"You know, I've never thought of that incredibly obvious answer.  Thank you for solving all my problems in the brief three seconds that you've known I have them.  You are truly a genius."

Truth is, I don't have any clue what I want to do with my life, and I don't know whether my degree will have anything to do with what I end up doing.  I think I would honestly prefer people to give me career advice without knowing what my degree is.  I think that would be much more effective for both of us and make me much less likely to want to punch them in the face.

Honestly, the only thing that I know for sure I want to be a part of my life is writing.  I love writing.  I've read into becoming a professional author (so don't you dare start suggesting I do that for a career) and the catch is that until you have a finished work and get connected with a publisher, you must have another form of income.  Then even once you have a work out there, the odds are not in your favor of that being your sole source of income.  Thus, you must have some other job.

Whatever.  I can live with that.

The other thing that I've found while researching the author life is that every single piece of advice says that if that's what you want to do, then you need to write for at least an hour every day.  It's not really important what you write, just THAT you write.  Now, in case you haven't noticed, I've been really bad about keeping up with this blog.  The problem, I've decided, is that I've never been on a regular schedule with it, and that I'm easily distracted.  I get bored writing it or run out of ideas and start working on something else instead.  Thus, I have developed a solution:

The VeeBJamN Network!

Four different and distinct blogs that will all be updated once a week on a different day.  The idea here is that each blog will have a slightly (or possibly drastically) different feel to it and I will update one of them each night of the week.  The other days, I will use the time I would normally spend writing blogs to research and write in the novels that I have rattling around in the back of my brain.  Hopefully, with some accountabilibuddies out there (I'm currently accepting applications for the position.), I'll be able to write every day and crank out a novel in the not-too-distant future.

What are these blogs and when can I expect updates for them, you ask?  Well I'm glad you asked:

• Beneath the Curls:  This blog will continue to be what it's been.  It will be a place for me to share with you whatever I've been thinking about.  Hopefully if this is cut back to once a week, they can actually be mostly quality posts rather than awkward posts about having nothing to say.  You can expect these updates on Sunday evenings.
  GoldenAfro.blogspot.com
• Get Me in Jail:  The Irregular Misadventures of Franc Bar.  Some of you have been following Franc's story for a little while now.  If you haven't been keeping up with it, now is the time!  As the stories of Franc, Kenneth, and Admiral continue to develop and begin to come together, things could get CRAZY!  I'm super excited about this one which will be updated on Monday nights.
  GetMeInJail.blogspot.com
• Rollicking Regards:  An all-new blog!  Red is one of the founding members of the zoologically puppetastic a capella group Bought & Paid 4 (currently available for bookings) and is ready to answer some fanmail.  If you need advice, would like Red's perspective, or would just like to tell him a cool story, send your letters to veebjamn@yahoo.com (because he hasn't figured out how to set up his own email address yet), and he will eagerly write back to you on Tuesday evenings.
  RollickingRegards.blogspot.com
• Let's Talk Talkies:  I love TV shows and movies and probably spend far too much time thinking about them.  I figured it was about time other people started hearing some of those thoughts and analyses.  My goal here is to offer my thoughts on at least one movie or TV show every week.  Who knows?  There may even be the occasional guest reviewer.  New reviews will be posted on Thursday nights.
  LetsTalkTalkies.blogspot.com

 These updates should start coming in the next week.  If you aren't interested in trying to keep up with where all of these are, there will be links updated on my website along with a brief summary of the post:

veebjamn.webs.com

 To my loyal followers up until now, I thank you for your support.  For those that are new to my writings, I thank you for giving me a chance.  For those that are sick of me saying thank you to vague groups of people, I thank you for keeping those opinions to yourself.

Welcome to the VeeBJamN Network!!!

Ready or Not

It never ceases to amaze me how wildly different some beliefs are across denominations.  On the surface, many of us do many of the same things, but some subtle differences, if looked at a bit more deeply, can reveal HUGE differences in the underlying beliefs.

My sister-in-law is a born and raised Baptist.  In the Baptist church, you are baptized when you accept Jesus into your life (or something like that).  I don't understand the theological details there because I'm a born and raised Lutheran and darn proud of it.  In the Lutheran church, more often than not, baptism is done as an infant.  That's not a rule, it's just how it typically takes place.  Whether she remembers them or not, we have had a few discussions about these differences.

I always understood baptism for Baptists to be very similar to confirmation for Lutherans.  In a lot of ways, this isn't a bad parallel.  Both, in their respective denominations, seem to signify a point where you are taking responsibility for your own faith.  However, there is still a large difference there that cuts right to the root of the differences in our views on baptism.  This difference was pointed out to me by a simple question from my sister-in-law:

"Why don't y'all do confirmation whenever the person is ready?"

 I'm sure I gave some snarky answer at the time (because when don't I?), but I've spent time thinking about it since then.  The idea was brought before me once again on Sunday when our WONDERFUL pastor gave her sermon about baptism.  She got the following story from somewhere, but I can't remember where.  Sorry if you're reading this and I stole it from you.  My bad.  It's just such a GREAT illustration.

In cattle country, occasionally, there are cattle that are wild and unmarked.  These cattle are referred to as mavericks.  (No.  I'm not talking about Sarah Palin.  But for those still playing the drinking game, I think this counts.)  Whichever rancher catches a maverick and puts their brand on it first is considered to be its owner.

There was a little girl who grew up on a ranch.  She had spent enough of her life out with her father dealing with their herd that she knew the lingo as well as she knew how to spell her name.  She was in school one day and for whatever reason, the discussion turned to religion.  The little girl proudly declared that she had been baptized and was a child of God (and darn proud of it!).  One little boy in her class didn't understand this.  He asked her what it meant to be baptized, and she explained it as clear as day.  "Well, you see, I was just a little maverick runnin' around the plains.  Then God snatched me up and put his brand on me, so everyone would know I'm his forever!"

In this simple statement from the mouth of a little girl comes what I consider to be the fundamental difference between a Lutheran understanding of God and a Baptist understanding of God.  Is God waiting for us, or is God hunting us down?

If you've ever seen a cow being branded, then you know that that cow has no interest in having a mark burned into its flesh.  They kick and whine and it usually takes several people to keep them down just long enough to get that mark on them.  That cow has no choice in the matter.  If you've ever watched an infant baptism, it's not so different.  I don't think I've ever seen an infant baptism where the child didn't start crying and screaming at some point.  The child has no choice in the matter.  If you've ever heard someone going through confirmation classes, it's not so different.  They whine and complain, and if it weren't for their parents, they probably would never go.

I don't want people to get the wrong idea. I'm not saying that there are not at least pieces of this in Baptist theology (for all I honestly know, this idea could be exactly the same in both). I'm also not saying that all Baptists believe this. My point is coming from a completely stereotypical version. But from what I've seen with things like altar calls, "be saved", and choosing when to enter God's family, the burden is on you. This image is God the Inviter. He sent out his invitations, and now it's up to you to come to him. This is a beautiful image of God.  If this is the version of God that you believe in, great!  The idea of being an invited guest to a King's banquet . . . how could anyone think that is bad?

It's just not the version of God that I see.

To me, a fundamental aspect of Lutheran theology is God the Hunter.  The God of Lutheran theology isn't sitting back waiting for you to come to him.  He's in your face, pinning you down, and branding you as his.  He isn't sitting in Heaven hoping that you will make the right choices and someday get to be with him.  He's with you right now whether you want him to be or not.  This is God the Hound, chasing Adam and Eve through Eden.  This is God the Seeker, trapping Jonah in a whale so he can't get away.  This is God the Cowboy, tackling you to the ground kicking and screaming, so that he can leave his mark on you, and everyone will know you're his forever.

The question here was not about which is the true identity of God.  God is all these things and more.  The question at hand was (if you'll recall), "Why don't y'all do confirmation whenever the person is ready?"  The answer to that question, with everything you've just read in mind, is relatively simple:

"God isn't waiting for you to be ready.  He's coming for you when HE is ready."

 I can't help but wonder what the world would be like if God had waited for anyone in the Bible (including Jesus) to realize they were ready before he thrust their task in front of them.