You'll Be Gone and I'll Notice

Whatever part of my brain that is responsible for rational productive thinking seems to have been murdered this week by the part of my brain responsible for overthinking and complete ridiculocity.  Thankfully, I haven't had much homework to worry about.  Not so thankfully, I haven't had much homework to worry about.

I say thankfully because if I did have a ton of homework, I'm not so sure I could successfully finish it.  On the other hand, since I don't have hardly any homework, I'm left with a ton of time to indulge that murderous irrational piece of my brain that has staged one of the most successful coups in history and is in complete control.  I've tried to fill up the murder's time with story writing (as that is its typical function), but that seems unsuccessful.  The only thing that seems to keep it at bay and prevent it from going complete serial killer on my vital functions is indulging its persistent endless trains of thought.

Guess what?  Since you're reading this, you're now trapped on a high speed train with the previously mentioned serial killer.  Choo-choo!

I have thought for years that I am a heartless monster.  Those that know me best are saying, "No!  You're sweet and loving!"  While those that know me best are saying, "Yup.  That's about right."  Thanks to the seditious Overthought (which I have now decided to call him), I have decided otherwise.

My first hint that I am not a heartless monster came along with the thoughts associated with yesterday's post.  I thought for the longest time that I was a heartless monster because I couldn't write love stories, I had no heart.  When I discovered that this had nothing to do with the love involved and more to do with boredom, I was satisfied and decided that I might have a heart.

But there were other arguments involved.

Unfortunately, my body requires sleep which means that I can't stay up all night writing here.  That means that I don't have enough time to discuss all of the many reasons and examples as to my theory of heartlessness.  I do, however, have time to debunk one.

This summer I revealed to a group of people just how heartless of a monster I am by pointing out that other than my family, I had only ever missed four people.  You may now fight amongst yourselves as to who those people are.  When you're done trying to figure out if you're one of those special few, I'll continue and make the world make sense again.  No, no.  It's ok.  Take your time.

 . . .

 . . .

Are you done crying yet?  Thank goodness.  I don't really feel like dealing with that while talking about how I'm not a heartless monster.  That's just too much work.

I only just recently realized why "I don't miss people" while other people do.  It's really a very simple solution.  Other people don't miss people either!  I'll now give you some time to have your little hissy fit about how so-and-so does too miss you and how you really miss so-and-so.  Go on.  Have your tantrum.

 . . .

 . . .

Finished?  Great.

My firm belief is that people don't know what it means to miss someone.  No one has ever, in my opinion, explained society's view of the phrase "I'm going to miss you" better than The Big Bang Theory.  If you've never seen The Big Bang Theory, you should immediately stop reading, go to the mirror, look yourself in the eye and inform your brain that you have been depriving it, return to your computer and Google it.  You will eventually discover more than one website where you can watch full episodes online.  Come back when you're done.

In one episode (the season two finale if I recall correctly (which I normally do)), Leonard goes to tell Penny that he will be taking a trip to the North Pole for a scientific expedition.  When he tells her, one of her responses is "Oh, I'm gonna miss you."  Later in the episode, Leonard returns to ask Penny what she meant by that.  Her response was "I don't know.  You'll be gone and I'll notice."

That about sums up what I can only figure is most people's view of the phrase "I miss you."  To most people most of the time it means "I noticed you weren't around."  In all actuality, they're perfectly accurate with the definition:

"To discover or regret the loss or absence of," World English Dictionary

The "miss" in "I miss you" is, most of the time, "to discover the absence of."  In that respect, I miss my million dollars.  I miss my wings.  I miss my nine-foot-tall labradoodle, Crackers.

I, having a brain that doesn't exactly work in the same way as most people, tend to reserve the word "miss" for the definition "to regret the loss of."  When I say "I miss so-and-so" I am taking note of a legitimate feeling of loss in my life.  I legitimately feel like something important is missing when that person is not around.  Those four people that I said earlier I missed were people that at various times were crucial pillars of my emotional stability for one reason or another, and, without them, I felt like something deep inside me was not being properly supported.

Suddenly the word "miss" is a little less frivolous.  Don't you think?

There's a reason why I say I don't miss people.  I used to think that other people understood "miss" the same way I did.  It was not until very recently that I realized I'm not a heartless monster.  It's not that I miss people less than others.  It's simply that I put a lot more value on the word.  Do I notice people's absence?  Yes.  Does my mind immediately jump to "I miss that person"?  No.

Now, as usual, it's time to turn this train around a little bit.  You've ridden this long with Overthought and now it's time to turn the reins over to you.  (Don't ask why the train has reins)  Who in your life do you really miss?  I'm not talking about "discover the absence of".  I'm talking about "regret the loss of".

Who are those people in your life that, when they aren't around, leave a gaping human-shaped hole in your life that it seems only they can fill?

Love in Literature

This week, my brain's been in overdrive.  I can't yet give you a reason as to why, though spend enough time thinking about why you're thinking and you'll come to some interesting conclusions.

My brain forcing me to spend unhealthy amounts of time thinking about everything in my life wouldn't be such a bad thing if it were letting me follow these extremely long trains of thought to something that I can actually post here.  Unfortunately, my brain is train hopping.  Before it gets to a depot, it hops onto a passing train and heads off in a different direction.  It's very disorienting.

One of the things my brain finally settled on was an unfortunate almost promise I made to someone this summer.  I said that I would attempt to write a love story.  Oh.  My.  Gosh.  It should not be this difficult!  Unfortunately, love itself has basically become a cliche in our society and is so expected in stories that I can't abide it.  When we meet a guy and a girl in a story, we immediately start trying to figure out how they're going to end up together.  You can try to subvert expectations in so many ways, but love in literature is as disgustingly predictable as a dog peeing on a fire hydrant.  It's just what you expect.

This isn't necessarily a bad thing.  Some people have very unpredictable lives and need escape from that in the stability of a cliched story line with stock characters you already know.  This is why there is a genre of movies called the chick flick and a genre of literature known as "the marriage plot" which, unfortunately, I took an entire semester studying.  Trust me.  It's cliched and boring.

Before you scream at your computer screen and say that just because something is cliched doesn't mean it's boring, I completely agree with you.  I am not suggesting causation, merely correlation.  In this case, romance stories are not only cliched and not only boring, but cliched AND boring.

I finally came to the realization today that this is exactly why I have so much trouble writing love stories.  They're predictable.  I don't like writing predictable.  I have been desperately working today to try and find a way to make the story unpredictable (particularly the ending) but as soon as I introduce a guy and a girl, the first thought of everyone who read love stories is, "O-M-G!  They would be SOOOOO cute together!"  (Insert wrist flick here.)  I honestly thought for a while about doing a guy-guy or girl-girl love story for the pure unpredictability of it, but I just couldn't bring myself to write it.

Giving up on the possibility of being unpredictable, I went for intentionally cliched.  That ended up not being much better.  I got so bored with it that my narrator ended up doing a linguistic commentary on the phrase "once upon a time" which, despite being very interesting, did nothing to move the story along and was really rather boring and pointless when I reread it.

I haven't given up yet.  I still think it's possible for me to write a love story, it'll just take some time and lots of tries.  To the person that I said would get it as a birthday present:  Sorry.  I know I missed it a while ago, but you're going to have to wait for Christmas . . . possibly Christmas NEXT year!

I'm open to suggestions on a way to go about ways to make a romance unpredictable.  If I ever come up with a love story that I'm happy with, my readers here will be among the first to know.

In the interest of leaving you with something other than my frustrations (and instead leaving you with frustrations of you own), ask yourself this:  Is there something in your life that has become so predictable it's boring?  Are you ok with that?  Can you change it?  Should you change it?







P.S.  I got an email today from my Cyberstalker that had an attachment on it with the first submissions for the challenge I submitted a little while ago.  For those of you that forgot, I'm looking for writings about writer's block.  It can be poems, stories, prose, or anything else you can think of.  I'm working on a page for my website on which I intend to include any and all submissions I get.  It's not too late to submit (especially seeing as how I only just got my first submissions).

Illuminating the Path

I was listening to a radio show this evening.  I know.  Try not to die of shock.  Anyway, the host ended up somehow on a tangent talking about how the Bible is like a GPS.  He was saying that you need to know where you're going before it'll work for you and that most people don't really know where they're going.  I thought this was an incredibly weak and obvious point.  BO-RING!  I instead got caught up on his opening line for this analogy.

He started by talking about using a GPS to get somewhere.  One of the first things he said was that you had to look up from the GPS every now and then, because if you got too into the GPS you would run off the road.  He said it as a joke and not as a point.  However, when he started comparing the Bible to a GPS, I made a connection back to that earlier comment that he never touched (and frankly is much more interesting than his intended point).

Let's combine the two.  The Bible is like a GPS.  You have to look up occasionally from the GPS to make sure you don't drive off the road.  Anyone made the connection yet?  You have to get out of the word occasionally!

I've noticed that a lot of the people who yell about God on street corners know their Bible very well.  However, I can't help but wonder if they know anything about any of the people they're trying to influence.  I then have to wonder if they're doing any good.  (For further thoughts on this, see The Jesus Scepter.)  Basically, they have their noses so far into the Bible, they can't see the world around them and they lose sight of their path.  They run off the road.

If you don't like this analogy, fine.  I have several problems with it to.  No parable is perfect.  I'm not sure that a GPS is really a good analogy for the Bible in the first place (even if it did make a good point).  For the best analogy for the Bible as far as I'm concerned, we must look in the Bible itself:

"Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path."  Psalm 119:105 (NIV)

For those of you concerned, feel free to look at the context; I just don't feel like writing it all out.  Did you know Psalm 119 is the longest chapter in the Bible?  Neither did I.  I'm not even entirely sure if that's true, but it's certainly interesting.

Notice that the verse says that God's word is a lamp for your feet.  It's a light.  It's not a map and its definitely the path itself.  A light is very unlike a map in that a light only shows you a small portion of the path.  You don't get the full picture or even directions.  You just get a little illumination for when you really need it.  Still, the point from the GPS analogy has some validity in this new perspective.

Have you ever stared into a lamp for a long time?  Try it right now if you haven't.  Look at a lamp or some bright light for a couple of seconds.  Now try to read.  It's not so easy to do with the dark blob in the middle of your vision.  Looking directly at it and only it doesn't really do you much good.  Staring at a lamp won't show you the path and may in fact hide the path from your vision.  On the other hand if you allow the lamp to reflect off of the world around you, you find that you can suddenly see better than ever before.

God's word can be the same way.  So often, people get bogged down in trying to "decode" the Bible.  They sit there and get so far into it that they are blind to the world around them, much like paying attention to the GPS.  Instead, we should let the lamp shine on the world around us.  Use that lamp to see the world anew and suddenly it has a real function.  Suddenly you can find your way.

At the same time, however, you don't really want to go walking around at night without a lamp, do you?  While it may seem pointless in the light, once it gets dark, you need something to shine so that you can know where you're going.  In the same way (I just used a Jesus line!) God's word may seem pointless when the path is laid out plain before you.  You may find that it a little distracting even.  However, when your life is cast into shadows, you're going to want you lamp back.  When you can't see your path, God's word can shed enough light on the situation to keep you moving.

So are you too busy staring at the light to see your way?  Are the dark blobs preventing you from seeing the world around you?  Or are you letting the light do its job by illuminating your path?

All Hallows' Eve

Today is Halloween in case you didn't realize.  Happy Halloween!

I didn't really celebrate Halloween this year.  I realized that unless you're into parting or are still young enough that it's ok to trick or treat, your only options as far as celebrating Halloween are things designed to scare you.  I have a frightening enough imagination without help.  That being said, principles have nothing to do with my lack of Halloween festivities.

I caught the very end of a show the other day that drives me nuts.  It's called the 700 Club.  It's an almost news program run by fundamentalist Christians.  I avoid it if at all possible, but it comes on right before the Who's Line is it Anyway reruns on ABC Family, so I occasionally catch the ending of it.  The other night, the host was asked whether or not it was moral to celebrate Halloween.  He very nonchalantly brushed the question aside with, "Of course it's not moral to celebrate Halloween, but here are some ways for your kids to get candy, which is all the really want anyway . . . "

If I wasn't already frustrated with the show, that would have solidified it.

I'll start from the end of his comment and work my way to the beginning.  Not all kids like Halloween just because of the candy.  When I was a kid, I would end up just putting my candy in the kitchen for everyone else to eat every year.  For me, the exciting part was dressing up in costumes and getting to be someone else for the night.  I tended to do that regularly anyway, and this was a night where it was not only accepted, but encouraged!  THAT's why Halloween was fun for me.  Candy's boring.

Now we step back a statement.  There's already a way for kids to get candy on Halloween.  It's called trick or treating!!!  Problem solved.

Now the kicker:  "Of course it's not moral to celebrate Halloween . . . "  Oh goodness.  Where do I begin?  These days, Halloween, like virtually every other holiday, is a secular holiday.  For most people, it's simply a day where they can get out of themselves, quit taking themselves so seriously, and have some fun.  These days, it doesn't encourage demon worship or Satanism or anything like that.  I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but it doesn't.

You could say that Halloween is wrong because it's a secular holiday, but then you have to take out all of the secular elements of Valentine's Day, Christmas, and Easter.  What are you left with then?

You could more easily argue that Halloween is wrong because of its origins.  It started out from the idea that on All Saints' Day, all of the good souls that had passed on would be remembered.  Thus, the evil spirits would come out the night before to attempt to ruin it.  The idea came about at some point that if you disguised yourself, the demons wouldn't be able to get you.  That's where costumes came from.  Thus, you could say that Halloween is evil because it's based in some distinctly non-(traditional)-Christian beliefs.  But, dear reader, there is another problem with this:  Christmas.

Did you know that the birth of Christ is only recorded in one of the four gospels.  Furthermore, it is generally agreed that his birth didn't occur during the winter.  So then why is this holiday celebrated when it is?  Pagan holidays.  There are many pagan holidays that occur during the winter.  Many of our modern traditions such as lights, greenery, carols, and gift giving are all drawn from other festivals such as the pagan Yule festival and Saturnalia which was thrown in honor of the Roman god Saturn.  Does that sound any more Christian than belief in satanic creatures trying to wreck a holy day?

If we go based on origins, you're gonna have to knock out a lot of Christmas traditions in the process of fighting Halloween.  When you agree that it's not moral to have a Christmas tree, I'll agree that it's not moral to celebrate Halloween.

Personally, I celebrated Halloween by writing a story about writer's block.  I don't have any idea what this has to do with Halloween, so don't ask.  As I couldn't get past the irony of writing about writer's block, I want more.  Thus, I am issuing a challenge.  Write about writer's block!  Whatever your medium of choice, I want to hear it!  Write poems, stories, essays, research papers, prose, whatever!  I will set aside a special section on my website for any submissions I receive and make sure to link to it here.

If you are interested in submitting something, email me here:

veebjamn@yahoo.com

I'm looking forward to reading what you guys have to write, and I'll be extremely disappointed if I don't get any submissions.  I might cry a little.  Just saying.

Why I Overthink

The question of the day is "why".  Remember that.

Whether you believe me or not, everything happens for a reason.  I'm not being deep and philosophical.  I'm not suggesting some large-scale cosmic plan in which everything is working toward some common purpose.  I'm being very literal.  Everything happens for a reason.

Here are some examples.

You overslept this morning.  Why?  Your alarm didn't go off at the right time.  Why?  Your phone thought that it was daylight savings time.  Why?  Your phone gets its time from the phone company which provided it with the wrong time.  Why?  The government changed the date for daylight savings time relatively recently and your phone company didn't properly update to account for it.  Thus, you overslept because your phone company wasn't paying attention.

You broke up with your significant other.  Why?  They cheated on you.  Why?  They didn't feel they were getting what they needed from you, so they found it elsewhere.  Why?  They didn't properly communicate with you about what they needed out of the relationship.  Why?  You didn't ask.  Thus, you broke up with your significant other because you didn't communicate with them.

You failed your test.  Why?  You didn't study.  Why?  You thought you understood the material.  Why?  You seemed to understand it all in class.  Why?  You only paid attention to the examples he showed you that were easy and zoned out during the harder ones.  Thus, you failed your test because you zoned out during class.

You see?  Everything happens for a reason.  You could stop before any of the "why"s in these sequences and use that as your reason for why something happened.  You could also follow these reasons up with more "why"s and get completely different reasons.

I said that "why" is the question of the day.  I don't think people ask this question enough.  Asking why something happened can help you make sure that it doesn't happen again.  It can also lead you to believe that nothing is your fault and that ultimately someone else is responsible for your actions.  I'm not going to tell you that . . . today.  Not asking "why" enough means you aren't getting the whole story.  Asking "why" too much will lead you to eliminate the possibility of free will.  That's scary.

The trick, as is so often the trick, is moderation.  You have to ask "why" enough to get to a point that you can do something about it.

In the oversleeping example above, it's easy to continue on and pin the blame on the phone company, but if you do that, there's not really anything you can do about it.  If you stop sooner and look at the fact that your phone didn't know the correct time because it gets its information from the company, you find that there's a solution:  set another alarm that doesn't rely on anything but its own power.

In the breaking up example, it's extremely easy to stop at your significant other cheating on you, but that doesn't help anything.  Continuing on allows you to see that in future relationships, you need better communication. 

In the test example, it's easy to stop at "you didn't study", but that probably won't fix this problem in the future because of that reason's "why".  If you think you understand the material, even if you do force yourself to study, you won't study well because you think you understand it.  By following this one further, you find that you are zoning out in class which is something you can change, it will just take some work and may require a few more "why"s to reverse.

On the way back to my dorm tonight, I was, as I have found I enjoy doing more than I care to admit, listening to a radio show where people call in and talk about their problems.  Tonight, however, I found myself very frustrated with the people on the show, because they didn't ask that beautiful question of the day.

Most of the people in the show tonight were calling about problems with relationships.  Either it was that they had broken up with their significant other or that their family didn't approve of said other.  In both cases, these people didn't ask "why".  Your girlfriend's family is upset with her suddenly after she moves in with you before the two of you get married.  Why?  Your boyfriend feels like he can communicate with his friend better than with you.  Why?  Your family is calling you a whore.  Why?

It was driving me nuts.

If you are a regular reader, you have probably learned by now that I have a tendency to overthink things.  I know that about myself.  I'm ok with that.  I'm telling you this for a reason.  Why?  I think being an overthinker is much better than an underthinker.  Why?  If you underthink, you may end up stuck with something you can't change.  If you overthink, you can always back up a few steps and find something you can change.

You can follow the "why"s all the way back to the beginning of time.  I did it once.  It was scary.  It creates a long, complicated chain that inevitably makes everything God's fault.  Unfortunately, that takes the situation out of your hands.  You can settle for that and assume that nothing is your fault or you can realize that a chain doesn't work if it's missing a link.

By breaking the chain at a single point, you eliminate the end of it.  All you have to do is find one link in the chain that you can cut, and you can avoid ever reaching the end of that chain again.

By setting another alarm, communicating in future relationships, and making sure you don't zone out in class, you break the chain and make sure you don't reach the endings of oversleeping, nasty break ups and failing tests.  You just have to find the one link you're strong enough to break.

Just ask "why".  Overthinking isn't as bad as you think.

What Other People Wish For

Last night at Bible study, Preach'rman, in addition to putting me onto a new philosophical bend, told a story.  It was one I had heard many times before in many different ways, and you probably have to.  However, I must insist on forcing you to read it at least once more:

There were three friends who were all in college.  One attended Texas Tech, one was from UT and one was an Aggie.  The three friends decided one afternoon to go out on a lake.  As they were out in their boat, a storm blew up around them.  There was thunder and lightning and they couldn't see the shore.  Coincidentally, a lamp happened to float by.  One of them picked up the lamp and a genie came out of it offering each of them one wish.

The Texas Tech student said, "I wish I were safe back in Lubbock."  Suddenly, he was back in his dorm on the Tech campus.

The UT student stepped up next and said, "I wish I were safe back in Austin."  Suddenly, he was back in his dorm on the UT campus.

The Aggie, looking around at the storm.  He saw the lightning and heard the thunder.  He felt the waves rocking the boat beneath him and he was utterly terrified.  This was even worse now that he was alone.  He looked around and said, "Boy, I'm scared!  I sure wish I had my friends back!"

At the end of Preach'rman telling this story, someone said, "Be careful what you wish for!"  My mom leaned over and wisely whispered to me, "Be careful what OTHER people wish for!"  I laughed.

This didn't really strike me as anything important until this afternoon as I was doing my defensive driving course.  (Don't ask!)  The part I was working on today was talking about drunk driving.  (No.  That has nothing to do with why I was taking the course.)  It told the story that so many of us have been exposed to before.  It was the story of the very pretty girl who was hit by a drunk driver and was horribly horribly scarred.  I won't force you to look at the pictures, but in case you don't remember, Google Jacqueline Saburido.

This story made me think back to Preach'rman's story and my mom's comment.

We talk a lot about how our choices affect others, but do we ever really stop to consider the implications of that statement?  If everyone's choices affect someone else, doesn't that mean that someone else's decisions are inevitably affecting you?

I have a website set as my homepage that offers a new sci-fi flash fiction every day.  In case you don't know, flash fiction is like short stories but shorter.  The most famous example of flash fiction is from Ernest Hemmingway.  His friends challenged him to write a story using only six words.  This was the result:

For sale:  baby shoes, never worn.

This has spawned an entire (wonderful) website:  SixWordStories.net.

Most flash fiction does not put quite such a limitation as six words, but the idea of brevity in the story telling is the idea.  In Hemmingway's example, he has characters, plot, and story.  It is, in my opinion, a beautiful example.  The idea of flash fiction is to get in, give the reader the story, and get out.  My homepage, 365 tomorrows, limits their submissions to 600 words.  As you have probably gathered from this blog, brevity is not my gift.  I have great respect for these authors.

Believe it or not, this does apply to what I was talking about.  Bear with me.

I say all of this to set up today's flash fiction from 365 tomorrows:  To The End of Time, Or Lisa.  As I was watching the thing about Jacqueline, I was reminded of this story.  Particularly, I was reminded of this quote from when he is talking to Lisa:

"Both of us live in a different instance of our universe, everyone does, but the funny thing is, ours overlap at this exact moment."

I was reminded of this quote, because, were it not for the man's drinking, his instance of the universe likely would never have overlapped with Jacqeline's.  Likely, they would never have met each other.  And yet, in that one cataclysmic moment, their worlds crossed and neither were ever the same after that.  I'll admit it's an extreme example, but usually those are the ones that make you start to look at the idea.

If we generalize this, every time you meet a person, your life intersects with theirs.  As such, however small the change, you are never the same again.  Simply their presence in your life, if nothing else, changes you in the fact that you have now come in contact with one more person.

Now consider this.  That person chose to take the path they did that caused the two of you to meet.  Had they not chosen that path, you would never have met, your worlds would never have crossed, and you would remain unaffected by the interaction that never happened.  Thus, their choice changed your life forever.  Every time your world meets someone else's, their choice has changed you forever.

Sometimes, the world isn't fair.  If it were, your choices would affect you.  You would only ever be punished for your own mistakes and no one would be able to change you but you.  However, this is not the way it is.  Other people's choices do affect you every day.  You may not be able to buy what you want at the store, because someone chose to buy the last one.  You may miss the light, because someone else decided to drive slowly.  You may be horribly scarred in a car accident, because someone else decided to drink and drive.

You may be dragged back into the middle of the storm, because some Aggie gets scared.

"Be careful what other people wish for."

Life really isn't fair.

The Big Four Nine

I just looked at my screen when I logged in to post tonight and realized that this is my 49th post.  That means the next time I post will be the big five o!  This is an exciting thing for me!  Why?  Well that is the question.

I thought about just accepting that hitting my 50th post was just a big milestone and leave it at that.  ACHOO!  Then I realized, that's incredibly boring!  I can do better than that!  So I started thinking, what makes the 50th post more important than the 49th?

I thought about several reasons for these ranging from cosmic allignments to linguistic history.  I finally settled on number theory.  It made the most sense and had some actual basis in fact.

Our number system is base ten.  In other words, we have ten digits (zero through nine).  This means that ten is the first two digit number.  100 is ten squared.  That automatically makes it seem important.  Our number system is based on the number ten and this is ten ten times!  This automatically makes 50 important because it's halfway to 100!  You see?  It almost pretends to make sense!  The 50th post must be important!

Then I started thinking about the reasons why 100 is important.  It's ten squared.  Then I realized that 49 is also a square.  49 is seven squared.  49 is seven seven times!  This makes it important.  Why?  I'll tell you!

Seven has long been acknowledged as a perfect number.  When God created the world he did so in seven days (including the day of rest . . . which one always should include).  There are seven colors in a rainbow.  There are seven days in a week.  James Bond is Agent 007.  Seven rocks!

Personally, I think seven is a cooler number than ten.  Seven is perfect.  Ten's about as ordinary as you can get.  Therefore, I have decided that my 49th post is more important than my 50th.  Who's to tell me I'm wrong?  Who gets to decide which numbers are more important?  My opinion is that my opinion is more important than whoever makes those kind of rules!

Happy 49th post, Beneath the Curls!!!

Mystery of Motivations

I realized recently just how little I've been posting lately.  I also looked back and said in several of my last posts that I would be posting more regularly.  That was a good one, wasn't it?

This has been one of the many things that has been on my mind lately.  Why haven't I been posting?  It's not that I don't have time.  It's not that I don't have thoughts.  It's not that I don't like doing it.  But back when I started, I would look forward to writing this all day.  I would think and plan about what I would write about that evening and plan my day so that I'd have time to write it.  Now, it's not the same for some reason.

Whenever all other techniques fail me, as they often do, I revert to my standard practice of overthinking it.  The mystery of my motivations (or lack there of) is no exception.  I have managed to narrow down my possible reasons to two possibilities:

1. I'm out of the swing of it.
2. Whatever reason I had for needing this blog is being better fulfilled.

I'll start with number one as it is a much simpler possible reason.

I've obviously gotten out of my habit of writing this every night.  That much is certain.  It's completely possible, however, that that's the only reason.  We humans, however inconsistent and unpredictable we may seem at times, are disgustingly consistent, predictable creatures of habit.  If writing a blog every night is not part of your routine, you probably won't do it.  If it is, it'll be difficult to not do it.

This summer, while I was working at camp, it was really difficult to have any kind of consistency in my posting.  As such, I went at least a solid eleven weeks with no consistent posting.  Supposedly, it takes six weeks to make or break a habit.  By the end of camp, I had broken this habit twice over.  With this in mind, it makes perfect sense that I haven't been writing.  It's no longer a habit or part of my routine, so I have only written when I've felt guilty about not writing or when I had a thought burning in me.

I so wish that my brain would let me stop there and accept that as an explanation of my motives:  Mystery solved!  In fact, I fully accepted this explanation for a while, but would my mind permanently accept this?

Of course not.

Thus, we come to possible explanation number two, AKA the psychologist's overly thought out and ALMOST plausible theory.

However possible, and likely, it is that I simply haven't been writing because I'm out of the habit, It's at least almost as possible that the reason I haven't been writing is deeper:  I haven't needed to.  Someone seriously over analyzing the situation (me) would say that I wouldn't have started writing this blog to begin with if I didn't need to for some reason.  Thus, the fact that I haven't been writing would suggest that this need either no longer applies to me or is being fulfilled in some other way.

Fortunately, I haven't been able to pin down any solid reason as to why I started this blog other than I had been wanting to for a long time.  Since I can't find any reason why I started it, I can't figure out how this need would be fulfilled.  I'm open to listening to any theories you have on the subject, but for now I'm satisfied with the fact that I can't find the thing that holds this whole theory together:  a reason.

Since I have (at least until someone comes up with a good reason to support number two) accepted number one, I must take responsibility for the fact that I haven't been writing.  Dang.

I won't give you the promises I have in the past.  I'm not going to say that I'm going to start writing more frequently, because we've all seen how well that's worked out lately.  If, however, I don't start writing regularly again, know that I haven't quit writing.  I'm still slowly chipping away at my novel, building a short story universe that I hope to put together into a novelette, and currently writing a Christmas puppet script.  I'm also, as soon as I finish this post, going to be looking at some other writing opportunities.

I'll do my best to write, but I make no promises.

I will give you a wholehearted, "we'll see!"  And is there really anything more than that that you can ask from anyone in this world?

Someone Else's Life

I just got back from Fall Break, one of the most wonderful times of the year.  I just had a four day weekend and I'm now coming back to classes halfway through the week.  I'm halfway done, and I haven't even started!

I spent this joyous four day weekend doing what so many of us do best:  NOTHING!  I spent the last two days reading and watching movies and TV.  What I find particularly interesting about the last couple of days is that I cannot, by any means of guilt I have thus far attempted, convince myself that it was a waste of time!  I spent my entire weekend sitting around without really DOING anything, and I can't help but consider it time well spent.  So, being my usual overthoughtful self, I must ask myself, why?

What is it about watching movies and reading books that allows me to consider it a positive use of my life?  I spent my car ride back tonight pondering this.

The best answer I've come up with is that I feel like I've accomplished something.  At the end of a movie or a book, I feel like I have done something worthy of my time.  What exactly did I do?  I sat on a couch and observed.  I know many people who would consider this a waste of time.  I also know these same people would cheerfully give up an entire day or two to watch a sporting event.  What exactly do you do their?  You stay in the stands and observe.

So what is it about observing these kind of things that makes us feel like we're doing something productive?  Why do people get excited when their football team scores?  Why do people get depressed when their baseball team is on a losing streak?  Why do people cry in movies or while reading books?  Think about it.  You aren't really a part of the football or baseball or basketball or cricket or rugby or curling team.  With the exception of gambling, their win or loss really doesn't affect your life.  You aren't really a part of the movie or a character in the book.  Whether or not the bad guy is killed or the guy ends up with the right girl will not change a thing about the way you go about your business the next day.  So why does it matter?

I finally came to what I call a conclusion for lack of a better word.  I was talking to my brother at a football game a couple of weeks ago about this very thing.  We were talking about why sports are such a successful and integral part of our lives.  What we ultimately said was that we need sports.  I would extend the same thing to movies and books.  We need them.  Why?  Because our lives are incredibly boring!

Most people spend their life going through the same routine every morning.  The go to work or school.  They see the same people, eat many of the same things, and generally do the same exact thing every day of their life.  Sports and movies allow us to get out some of our frustration with our lives.  We allow ourselves to live vicariously through these people on the field, court, screen, or page.  By observing their life, we put ourselves in their much more interesting shoes for long enough to maintain our sanity.  TV, movies, books, sports, and even celebrity gossip are so important to us because they let us live someone else's life which then makes our life seem that much more interesting.

Is this a bad thing?  Is it bad that so many people are focused on living through someone else?  Is it bad that most people spend a large chunk of their time trying to live in someone else's life?  You spend your time watching other people's lives on TV, reading other people's lives on Facebook, and even listening to and reading other people's thoughts on the news or on people's blogs.  Are you right now by reading this living your life or mine?  If you're living my life, is that a bad thing?

This is the point where I'm going to stop your leisurely stroll through my mind and force you back into your own.  Do you think living vicariously through someone else is a bad thing that should be changed, a good thing that should be left alone, or a necessary evil?  I'm not going to give you an answer.

Get out of my head and answer for yourself.

The Wicked Lion

Wow!  I hadn't realized how long it's been since I posted!

I really don't have anything particularly interesting to write right now, but I will be working very hard to give you something interesting to read over the next few weeks.

In the meantime, I'd like to talk about a thought/story that's been rattling around in my head long enough that I'm gonna have to do something about it soon.  I struck me as I was watching The Lion King in 3D.  On that note, I found it interesting that the 3D in this movie that was originally hand-drawn was significantly better than the modern Thor.

As I was watching the movie, I kept thinking about the musical (and apparently book) Wicked.  For those of you who don't know, the important thing about Wicked is that it twists the story of The Wizard of Oz so that the Wicked Witch of the West is the good guy and a victim of the "good guys" portrayed to us.  While watching The Lion King, I couldn't help but think about how easy it would be to do the same thing for Scar.  Since it has been several days and the idea continues to grip me, I feel I must act on it.

I've thought about several ways of writing it.  Right now I'm leaning toward doing it in an episodic style.  Basically, that would mean that I would write the story in smaller chunks that I would work very hard to get out on a regular basis rather than write it in one big push and have it out on the most dreaded of all days:  Someday.  I'll probably make that decision once I actually start writing it.

It should be an interesting project.