I'm Fed Up . . . Again.

It's been a while since I've given the world a glimpse "Beneath the Curls", mostly because I've been busy plotting a novel, writing stories on another blog, and being lazy.  But, world, I'm done.

I'm fed up . . . again.  (We're all shocked.)

We've all seen the post on Facebook or email or whatever your version of social media is:  "[insert picture here] is what REAL beauty looks like!"  Generally these days, the inserted picture is of a girl that society would generally deem unattractive.  Other versions put completely not comparable pictures next to each other and make you feel guilty for finding the clearly more physically attractive woman to be more beautiful.  My favorite (achoo!) version is the one that shows every type of figure imaginable EXCEPT the one that society deems beautiful.  There are hundreds of variations that I just don't want to even include here, because I'm SO SICK of reading them!!!

Here's the deal, folks.  Society has decided that that is what physical beauty looks like.  Get over it.

I'm not saying that you aren't beautiful if you don't look like that.  I'm simply saying that until the next shift in society's view of physical beauty, the general populace will not truly and objectively consider you physically beautiful.  There was a time when full-figured women were considered the pinnacle of human perfection.  (Look up pictures of Aphrodite sometime.  That chick ain't scrawny.)  There was a time when it was beautiful for a woman to have the world's tiniest waste supported by the world's largest hips.  (Hence, corsets and poofy dresses.)

There was a time when fat men who covered their odor with a thick cloud of perfume were sexy.  (Ben Franklin was a stud.)  That's right.  This all applies to guys too.

The fact of the matter is that "sexy", right now, is a slim, fit look for girls, and a toned beefcake look for guys.  Your time may come.  Then again, it may not.  Chances are, a massive shift isn't going to all of a sudden happen in our lifetime and I can almost guarantee there won't be two massive shifts in our lifetime.  Posting stuff on Facebook is not going to help the situation.

In fact, posting stuff like this on Facebook is actually perpetuating the situation.

We all know what these posts are trying to tell us.  They're trying to tell us that beauty is what's on the inside and not what's on the outside.  But here's the deal:  That's not what they're saying.

When you look at pictures of two people, one extremely physically beautiful and one clearly not fitting society's view of perfection, you know which one is beautiful.  You can read the caption on it over and over and over, but you will still know which one is hotter.  Assuming for the moment that the caption is even acknowledged by our judgemental brains, what these posts actually say is, "Look how ugly this person is compared to this person.  The ugly one is brilliant or nice, and the hot one is stupid or mean."  At best, what the posts say is, "This person is ugly and this person is hot, but you can't tell what their personalities are like."

Note that they are still described as "ugly" and "hot" by the subconscious bowls of our minds, because that is still how the post is defining them.  All you're actually doing by continuing to send out these posts is perpetuating the definition of people as "hot" or "ugly".

There is a glimmer of hope, though.

If you'll notice, most of what I've talked about so far is society's definition of beauty.  But beauty, as they say, is in the eye of the beholder.

You will never find a single person that is universally viewed as physically perfection.  If you ever do find that person, I beg you to get me their number.  Guy or girl, get me their number.  I will make them famous!  Or my wife!  Or I will just creep them out!  There is no one person out there who is physically attractive to everybody.  But, everyone is physically attractive to somebody.  Or (more accurately) can be physically attractive to somebody.

You see, the human mind is a fickle bitch.  One second you hate someone, the next you love them, the next you can't remember their name.  Your perception of the world around you is constantly being altered.  You can look at someone, find them physically repulsive, then get to know them and find them a little less grotesque.

Yes.  Your perception of someone's physical beauty can be altered by their personality.  It's science!

Now, I can't speak for girls or gays, but I do have some experience as a heterosexual male who occasionally carries on conversations with other heterosexual males, so listen up.  The absolute most attractive thing a girl can have in her personality is attraction toward you.

There is nothing hotter than someone who wants you as badly as you want them.  Guys like when girls play hard to get?  Maybe.  But, contrary to what many Romantic Comedies will tell you, only if they know she's into him.  We're lazy creatures evolutionarily programmed to propagate our species (which is actually the entire foundation of physical attractiveness).  Most guys aren't going to waste their time on an endeavour they know to be fruitless.

Which leads me to the next most attractive thing about a woman.

I was once told a story by a friend (who shall remain nameless for his own protection) about his girlfriend finding a dirty magazine in his room.  She flipped out on him and babbled a long stream of word vomit consisting mostly of incomprehensible obscenities.  Once he got her calmed down, he managed to weasel out of her that she actually felt threatened.  She didn't realize it at first, but what really happened is this:  She knew she could never live up to the girls pictured in the magazine, and since that was clearly what he wanted, she was quite certain that their break-up was inevitable.

He just laughed.

You see, ladies, guys may look at beautiful girls.  They may check out the random chick down the street, gawk at a naked woman on TV (or anywhere else), or notice that your bestfriend has great legs (or other parts).  But if that is YOUR man, you have one incredibly attractive thing going for you that none of those other girls have:  You're there!  The average guy is going to pick the average girl that's there over the insanely gorgeous supermodel a thousand miles way any day.

As I said before, we're lazy creatures.

Pure, cold, objective beauty isn't everything.  There are SO many factors that figure in to what an individual finds attractive.  I had a crush on the pink Power Ranger when I was little, so girls automatically become more attractive when they where that shade of pink.  Or when they play the violin.  (Not sure where that one came from.)  Merely walking a few feet closer to someone can completely change your view of them.  Getting to know them on a deeper level CERTAINLY will.  Telling someone that you like them?  Well that could just drive them up the wall.

If you want a different perspective on this (e.g. a female perspective), here is an article that my sister shared on Facebook that I can almost entirely support (that's among the highest compliments in my repertoire):

[Thigh Gap]se in Judgment

Quit sharing the posts about what REAL beauty is.  Especially, quit sharing the posts that include pictures.  It's insulting to everyone involved, especially the people in the pictures.  You can't pin down what "real beauty" is, because it's different for each person.  We each have our own image of a "perfect" someone that doesn't actually exist.

For me, it's a girl in pink playing the violin after doing something sciencey and telling me about a controversial/thought-provoking new idea she had.

She also has a British accent.

And she brought me chocolate cake earlier that day.

. . . when the Doctor was me.

Fun fact:  When you spend eleven hours alone in a car, you run out of things to do and start either falling asleep or thinking.  In order to prevent a horrifying fiery car accident, last weekend, I succumbed to the latter.

Once I got past the stuff that was WAY too personal for me to be sharing with almost anyone and the classified stuff I'm too paranoid to post on the interwebs, I got into an exceedingly nerdy analysis of the most recent seasons of Doctor Who.  (Stay with me, and I promise I'll get past the nerdiness as quick as possible.)(For those that care, I'll only talk about one spoiler that anyone who has paid ANY attention to Doctor Who information online already knows about.  Hint:  Peter Capaldi.)

For the last several years, the show runner for the series has been a brilliant writer:  Steven Moffat.  In his tenure of the show, Moffat has demonstrated a brilliant mastery of the show's time-travel aspect.  He seems to understand better than most who have written for the show before what the doctor was saying here:

Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey . . . Stuff

He set plot lines in motion that seemed to come out of nowhere and then disappeared just as quickly.  Then, just when you think that you're supposed to forget that . . . BAM!  It's an incredibly important plot point!  So many of these threads were wrapped up and tied together in the most recent episode, "The Time of the Doctor", that it took me a few weeks of percolation to finally riddle through all the timey wimey stuff.  Once I did that, however, I was able to finally think about what the doctor left us with in the end of the episode.

For those of you who don't know, the entire premise of Doctor Who is that there is an alien time traveler called "the Doctor" (we don't know his actual name).  He is from a race known as the Time Lords who have evolved an odd way of cheating death.  Instead of dying at the end of their life (whether that be naturally or otherwise), they "regenerate".  Essentially, every cell in their body is replaced, leaving them a completely different looking person with a completely different personality, but all the same memories.  This is actually just a clever writing trick that lets the character be replaced by a new actor with a new personality whenever needed.

At the end of the episode, the Doctor gives a speech that went far beyond the reaches of a simple sci-fi show:

The Eleventh Doctor's Regeneration

For those too lazy to have actually watched that video, shame on you.  I'll spoon-feed you the speech later, but you really should go watch it.  Matt Smith is incredible!  Just ignore the other people . . . on second thought, don't ignore them.  They're definitely worth paying attention to . . . for a different reason.  Definitely.

I'm in the middle of a regeneration myself.  At the tender age of five, I went to camp, and I fell in love.  As I've grown up and discovered and rediscovered myself, going through regeneration after regeneration, camp has been a constant.  After my sophomore year of high school, I entered into the Lutheran Youth Leadership Experience (or LYLE) program at camp.  I went through two year in that program, making new friends and getting to know a new me.

At the end of my second year of LYLE, I was convinced that I was done with camp.  I was sure that I was never going back.  When God smacked me over the head at one of the last worships, that changed, and I set my course as a member of camp staff for the next four summers.

They were a glorious four summers and during that time, regardless of what else changed in my life, I knew that I was camp staff.  I knew I would be back.  To be completely honest, I began defining myself by the relationships I made at camp as far back as LYLE.  For six years, my identity was tied up with camp.  But, as the Doctor pointed out, "You've got to keep moving."

For those of you who are currently summer staff, a day will come when you will know that it is your time to move on.  One day, you will realize that your regeneration is coming.  For some, it happens during staff training of their first summer.  For others, it's seven years down the road.  And for some lucky people, it could be decades.  But when the time comes, you know.  I knew by the time I was interviewing for my last summer.

Unfortunately, it didn't truly hit me until last weekend.

I got through the end of the summer with only a minor breakdown.  I honestly thought that I had gotten through it and was incredibly relieved by how easy it had been.  I was sure that because I had gone through the entire summer knowing it was my last one, it had prepared me to move on.  Then the second night of the annual staff reunion rolled around.

I looked around the room at all of the people there that I love so dearly.  My other family.  I watched new relationships forming and old ones solidified over coloring books, games, and YouTube videos.  I listened to the noise level slowly rise until someone shushed everyone and reminded them that people were trying to sleep.  Then I listened to it go right back up again.

I remembered all the long, pointless and hilarious conversations I had had and all the long, incredibly meaningful conversations that changed me forever.  I remembered demon turtles, my twin sister, those select few who got to peak behind the mask, and conversations in languages none of us understood.  I remembered the Joker, the Nookie, and King Arthur.  I remembered velociraptors, creampuffs, elephants wearing hats, and the Victorian era lyrics to Big Poppa.

I thought about all the people who had already moved on.  The truly great people who had graced those hallowed halls with their presence.  I saw their faces among those still looking forward to the next summer and I realized, probably for the first time, that I was, in some strange way, no longer one of them.  I realized at that moment that when I left there the next day, it would be the last thing I ever do as a summer staff member.

And I wept.

I was lucky enough that someone else was there who was dealing with the same thing, and my adopted brother comforted me.  We hid ourselves away and talked until I could breath and felt like I could go back.  It helped immensely, especially for that night, but it didn't completely fix it.  I cried several times on the ride home and am, in fact, in tears as I'm writing this.

Someone once told me that once you are camp staff, you are always camp staff.  I haven't been on the other side of this long enough to know how true those words are, but it really doesn't matter.  That period of my life is over.  Yes.  That will always be me, but I don't really want to have to be dragged out.

Matt Smith was not the first Doctor.  He wasn't the second, third, or even eighth.  He was the eleventh Doctor.  I'll be honest and admit that I haven't watched any of classic Doctor Who, so I don't know what kind of emotions they attributed to regeneration back then, but I have seen the last three regenerations.  Christopher Eccleston (the ninth Doctor), I felt, had one very similar to Matt Smith's.  Both of their Doctor's knew their time had come and gracefully bowed out.  David Tennant (the tenth Doctor), on the other hand, had a vastly different one.  He dragged his feet, revisited all of his previous companions, then ended with this heartbreaking scene:

The Tenth Doctor's Regeneration

In the interest of full disclosure, I am in full support of the way Tennant's doctor went out.  It was completely in character and a fitting way to send out a Doctor who, as the eleventh put it, had "vanity issues".  But I don't want to do that.

It's true.  I don't want to go.  But I know that any day now, he's a-comin'.  I'm not saying goodbye to camp.  I'm not about to break a streak as long as I've got going by not going back at some point this summer.  But I am saying goodbye to that me.  It's someone else's turn to take on the role.

We all change.  We all go through regenerations.  We are all constantly recreating and rediscovering ourselves.  To those of you who are in the middle of your tenure as yourself, cherish this time.  There will never be another you like you.  To those in the middle of changing themselves, have hope.  Just because things change, it doesn't mean that they'll be bad.  But above all, never EVER forget all of the yous that came before you.

It all just disappears, doesn't it?  Everything you are, gone in a moment.  Like breath on a mirror.  Any moment now, he's a-comin'.  The Doctor.  I am the Doctor, and I always will be.  But times change, and so must I.  We all change when you think about it.  We are all different people all through our lives, and that's ok.  That's good.  You've got to keep moving.  So long as you remember all the people that you used to be.

I will not forget one line of this, not one day.  I swear.  I will always remember when the Doctor was me.

You Know What's Stupid? (The title of this article is in no way meant to reflect the author's belief that humans are intellectually inferior to dolphins.)

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas!

Homosexuality is an abomination!

Homosexuality is natural!

Abortion is a woman's choice!

Abortion is murder!

Great.  Now that I've sufficiently offended everyone and taken political correctness off the table, maybe I can actually get down to saying something worth saying.  And here it is:

Everyone is in the wrong.

I'll start with where everyone else seems to be this morning:

Duck Dynasty

Basically (for those who haven't heard and are too lazy to read the article above), Phil Robertson said some things in an interview that were considered offensive to the GLBT (That stands for gay, lesbian, transgender, and bisexual for you kiddos reading!  Ask your parents about those words!  They'll love it!)(The previous parenthetical statement may be taken as honest or sarcastic.  Whichever one offends you more.) community, and has been taken off of Duck Dynasty indefinitely by its network, A&E, who is a supporter of the GLBT community.

Let's start from where most people in my life are sitting:

A&E:  You are stupid.

Look at what A&E has done:  They made a right-wing, conservative Christian family into celebrities and then were shocked when they expressed beliefs contradictory to more liberal ideas.  What did you expect?  Something like this was bound to happen.  The Bible does have verses that say that homosexuality is wrong.  The one that Phil Robertson paraphrased was 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 in which the author says in no uncertain terms that homosexual men (It really doesn't say anything about women, so you gals are good to go!) will not inherit the kingdom of heaven.  The Robertson family has never done anything to suggest that they are anything but firm believers in the Bible.  Is anyone really surprised that Phil said something that lined up with the traditional interpretation of scripture?

Now the other direction:

Phil Robertson (but more so, anyone surprised by his suspension):  You are stupid.

Look at what the Robertsons did:  They, as a right-wing, conservative Christian family, got into business with a company that is a self-proclaimed "supporter and champion of the LGBT community".  What did you expect?  Something like this was bound to happen.  Television companies have to be very careful about what they put on their stations.  More importantly, however, they have to make sure that whatever they air lines up with their core beliefs as a company.  As a company that believes in tolerance and acceptance, they have a moral obligation to do something about one of their biggest stars saying something so powerfully against their values.  Is anyone really surprised that A&E took Phil off the air for saying something that was incredibly offensive to their audience?

This situation was bound to happen eventually.  Why is ANYONE surprised about what happened?!

Political correctness has gone too far.  I'm all for being open and accepting, but come one, people.  Chill out.  These aren't new ideas!  In fact, these ideas have been around for a while!

The idea that marriage is for love is an incredibly recent development in society.  In all honesty, marriage was for centuries a sort of political union solidified by children.  The first people to have marriages were royalty and they were for just that reason.  In as late as the 18th century, extra-marital affairs and not marriages were considered the highest form of romantic love.  By this interpretation of marriage, homosexual marriage is stupid and a waste.  On the other side of that coin, however, that isn't what marriage is anymore.  Marriage is a public declaration of love and a legal joining of households.  If you want to marry any other legally recognized, consenting, sentient being, go for it!

The idea of homosexuality, however, also isn't anything new.  In ancient Greece, including Sparta and Athens, women were considered to be for making babies.  You didn't have sex with your wife because it was enjoyable.  You had sex with your wife because it was your civic duty to propagate your family line.  Other men were there for your enjoyment.  On the other side of that coin, however, homosexuality did disappear for a while with the rise of Christianity.  For many years, it was accepted as deviant behavior.  It's gonna take a while before Christians ever relent on that.  Get used to it.

Creationism isn't science.  You don't believe in evolution or the big bang?  Fine.  But they are science.  If you can't accept that, homeschool your children.  The idea that creationism should be taught in public schools is really just silly.  Do you also want your child to be taught that Farakrea the Great Celestial Sloth, vomited the world into existence?  What if that's what I believe?  Hmmmm?  Don't I have a right to let my children learn that as science?  Hmmmm?!  (The previous statement regarding Farakrea the Great Celestial Sloth should be regarded as an example of how strange creationism seems to those who do not believe it and not a statement of belief on the part of the author or any sane person on Earth.)

While I'm angsting about that:  I was once presented with the argument that evolution is a ridiculous theory because humans have never observed it happen.  Duh.  The earliest written record dates to the 6th century BC (or BCE depending on whether we're being politically correct or traditional).  That means that all of recorded human history has taken place over about 27,000 years.  According to scientists who support the big bang theory and evolution, Earth is roughly 4,540,000,000 years old.  That means that humans have observed approximately 0.0006% of the Earth's life.  That means that if you condensed the Earth's life down to a year, humans wrote stuff down for the last 3 minutes.  I know you didn't work a single day last year because you slept through my New Year's Eve party.  You lazy jerk!

Forcing political correctness is the same thing as imposing your beliefs on others.  You are forcing me to say that what you believe is equally valid to what I believe.  Honestly, some of the things you believe are just dumb.  While I'm riding that train of thought, in some circles, it's now becoming politically incorrect to be politically correct.  I'm looking at you "You better say Merry Christmas" people!

How to Spread the Christmas Spirit

If I want to say Happy Holidays, I'm going to!  I want all of your holidays to be happy!  It really is a bummer to not be happy on any given holiday.  I want you to have a Merry Christmas, but I also want you to have a happy Hanukka, Kwanzaa, Eid al-Fitr, Thanksgiving, New Years, Boxing Day, Eat-a-Red-Apple Day, Humbug Day, Maple Syrup Day, Ninja Day, Monkey Day, Make-A-Cut-Out-Snowflake Day, and, most importantly, Bacon Day!  If I thought I could keep your attention long enough to wish you all of those, I would, but there just isn't time to do that with everyone you meet.  It's so much easier to say "Happy Holidays".  This time of year has so much to celebrate, why are you limiting yourself?

Happy Holidays and Other Four Letter Words

To those of you who are reading this and realizing how wishy-washy and noncommittal I'm being about whether anyone is right or wrong with their particular political correctness (except maybe teaching creationism as science), it's because I have one very simple point here:

Everyone is in the wrong.

No matter what you do, you're going to offend someone.  Get used to it.  Get over it.  Now get on with your life, and enjoy all that this rich, complicated, fascinating world has to offer you!







Update (like five minutes later):  Also this:  Tolerance.  That is all.

My Diabadass Sister

It's been a while since I got a haircut.

When I was younger, I always kept my hair buzz-cut.  It was short.  I mean REALLY short.  I knew it was time to get a haircut whenever I had to do anything to it when I woke up.

I don't remember why I started doing it, but somewhere around my freshman year of high school, I started growing my hair out.  And I liked it!  My hair grew out in beautiful blonde curls (of which I am INCREDIBLY proud!) and somehow having bigger hair made my head look smaller.  Ever since, it's been my identifier:  the thing that makes me unique.  Because of that, I've resisted getting it cut since then like a turkey resists going out on Thanksgiving, but in high school, I still always knew when to get it cut, because the coaches would tell me.

Then I graduated.

Ever since I graduated from high school, my hair has gotten out of control.  It's REALLY long right now, and if it were straight, it would be even longer.  When I pulled it straight just now, it reached to at least six inches below my shoulder . . . and that wasn't one of the longer locks.

Knowing when to get a haircut is more difficult now.  In the past, I've tended to get a haircut just before something big is about to happen.  I planned on getting a haircut just before camp at the start of the summer, but the one person that I trust to cut my hair right now was suffering from a hand injury.  I honestly can't remember when I got a haircut before that, so, needless to say, I haven't had one in a while.

That's about to change, because of this beautiful little girl:

But first, something completely different.

There is currently a disease raging across this nation.  This disease affects adults and children with no discrimination by age, weight, or lifestyle.  It appears suddenly and causes immediate dependence on multiple daily injections.  Right now, around 3 million Americans are plagued by this disease and roughly 15% of those are children.  EVERY YEAR this disease accounts for $14.9 billion in health care costs.

There is currently no known cause or cure.

Type 1 diabetes has hit pretty close to home for me ever since my baby sister was diagnosed with it her freshman year.  She has done her best since then to keep this news under wraps, hoping that people wouldn't treat her differently, but now that she's graduated from high school, she's decided that it's time for her story to be heard.

For some reason, and I reiterate that no one knows what that reason is, the bodies of people with type 1 diabetes don't produce any insulin.  This means that from her freshman year onward, Sarah gave herself at least six shots of insulin a day in addition to pricking her fingers countless times to check her blood sugar.  Yeah, be nice to diabetics.  They have to deal with enough pricks already.

But a few pricks just scratches the surface of what diabetes has meant for Sarah.

Being diagnosed with diabetes means an entire lifestyle change.   She must pay close attention to what she eats, when she eats it, the regularity of her exercise, how much sleep she gets, her stress level, and dozens of other factors that contribute to your body’s blood sugar levels.  The insulin pump she recently switched to using has reduced the number of shots every day, but since there is no known cure for type 1 diabetes, she will continue to deal with it her entire life.

Despite all of this, Sarah participated and excelled in basketball, tennis, softball, track, and cross country, was a section leader and state solo & ensemble qualifier in band, class president, student council member, was on multiple UIL academic teams, AND was valedictorian of her class.

She's pretty awesome.

So here's the deal.  On September 28th, the American Diabetes Association is sponsoring the Step Out Walk for Diabetes in our area and our family has put together a team.  When we started fundraising, we set a goal of $1000, and I REALLY want to see us at least reach that goal.  As of the time I'm writing this post, we have $414.  It's a start, but it's not quite there yet.

Sarah (along with several other people) has been telling me for a while now how badly I need a haircut.  Hopefully, she'll be getting her wish soon.

If our team can reach our goal of $1000 by the walk, I will not only get a haircut, I'll let her decide how it should be cut.

Whether you want to donate to the ADA and help them to, in my sister's words, "kick diabetes' butt," or whether you want to contribute to the "convince that weird kid with the unnecessarily long hair to get a haircut" fund, you can donate here:

http://main.diabetes.org/goto/Freitag

Help force me to get a haircut.

Help those people who "give vampires a sugar rush".

Help the ADA fight diabetes.

The Brine of Pickled Fish

I think tomatoes are gross, but they are absolutely nothing compared to the atrocity that is ketchup.

According to Wikipedia, the word ketchup comes from a Chinese word meaning the brine of pickled fish which pretty much says everything you need to know about it.  Originally, it had nothing to do with tomatoes, but today it's mad from tomatoes, vinegar, the tears of demon children, and other assorted spices (depending on who makes it).  In the early 19th century, ketchup was more popular than fresh tomatoes.  Apparently, people were afraid that it was unsafe to eat raw tomatoes.

My disgust of ketchup goes far beyond a simple dislike for the way it tastes.  I have something closer to a ketchup-phobia.  It makes me want to puke when I simply touch it.  I can't believe when I see people eating it, and it disgusts me when I think about it ending up on any of my stuff.

I truly believe that ketchup in an abomination and a crime against nature.

But as long as they keep it away from me, I've never stopped anyone else from eating it.

Just a little something to think about this week.

Bye.

This post marks the official launch of the all-new VeeBJamN Network.  But, as Semisonic observed, "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."  And so, it seems only appropriate to open by pondering an idea that is usually brought to light as things end:

Bye.

 I once heard that there is a language (I can't remember which one) with no word for "goodbye".  I didn't question that fact nearly enough at the time.  According to the mysterious source of this information, the speakers of that language said things such as "see you later" rather than "goodbye", based on a belief that "goodbye" suggests a break in the relationship.  An end.

Here's why I say that I didn't question the fact nearly enough:

What does "goodbye" even mean?

For whatever reason, that question never occurred to me until after I had already learned the meaning.

One of the many new beginnings around me is the start of a new Sunday school year.  My Sunday school class has a new teacher and a new framework.  This year, we are using a method called the Faith Five.  The idea being that there are five things we are doing whenever we meet:  share, read, talk, pray, bless.  We used the Faith Five one week and forgot the last of the five:  bless.

As I was discussing the fact that we skipped that, it occurred to me that blessing is not really something that we do normally in our society.  Aside from saying "bless you" after people sneeze and the occasional long-winded, dramatic, and stylized blessings we offer in a religious setting, I can't really think of any times that we actually bless each other.  I was apparently not the only one who thought of this, either.  I talked to our teacher (who also happens to be my mom and our pastor) about it, and she came to class with a rather simple and elegant solution:  goodbye.

Thus, I turn back to the question at hand:  What does "goodbye" mean?

Apparently the etymology of "goodbye" begins with the rather simple blessing "God be with you".  When it began, it was said in another time where they would have actually said "God be with ye" which was eventually contracted to "godbwye" (which I have no idea how to pronounce).  Then, thanks to the standard greetings such as "good morning", "good evening", etc., it became "goodbye".

So, in effect, whenever you say "goodbye", you are blessing the person you are speaking to.  Going even another step further, since the word "bye" is a further contraction of "goodbye", even when you just say "bye", you are offering someone a blessing.  (Insert mind-explosion sound effect here.)

With all this in mind, let's turn back to the alleged language without a word for "goodbye".  One of the alternatives that these people supposedly used instead of saying "goodbye" was "God be with you" . . . you know, "goodbye".  Instead of saying "goodbye" they said "goodbye".  That, of course, makes perfect sense.

There are several morals to this story:

1. Blessings are not as strange and uncommon as we may think, because every time you say "bye" you are blessing someone.
2. People say things that don't make sense, and if you don't question them, they'll continue to get away with pure falsities that don't actually makes sense once you truly understand them.
3. If you click on links on Facebook, you may end up reading an unnecessarily in-depth article about a three-letter word.

Bye.

Meet the VeeBJamN Network

Well congratulations to me.  I graduated!!!  ( . . . like three months ago.)

As everyone knows, graduation marks a turning point in life.  For many, it means leaving behind what you've been doing and going on to either more school or some job out in the real world.  For myself, it means blindly leaping from the safety and comfort of being a student and charging forward into the great unknown.

Whenever someone finds out that I've graduated, I am obligated to go through the same conversation with them that I've had with everyone I've come into contact with lately.  It almost always sounds almost exactly like this:

"I just graduated from college in May."
"Really?  So what are you going to do now?"
"I'm not really sure.  I'm sort of figuring it out as I go along."
"Well what's your degree in?"
"Mathematics."
"Well do you want to teach?"

And so it goes every time.  Here's how the conversation would go if I didn't run my language through a Social-Acceptability Filter:

"Crap.  I'm so sick of having this conversation.  Is there a way I can cleverly avoid telling them that I've graduated?"
"Really?  So what are you going to do now?"
"None of your damn business."
"Well what's your degree in?"
"Math.  Don't you dare say anything about teaching."
"Well do you want to teach?"
"You know, I've never thought of that incredibly obvious answer.  Thank you for solving all my problems in the brief three seconds that you've known I have them.  You are truly a genius."

Truth is, I don't have any clue what I want to do with my life, and I don't know whether my degree will have anything to do with what I end up doing.  I think I would honestly prefer people to give me career advice without knowing what my degree is.  I think that would be much more effective for both of us and make me much less likely to want to punch them in the face.

Honestly, the only thing that I know for sure I want to be a part of my life is writing.  I love writing.  I've read into becoming a professional author (so don't you dare start suggesting I do that for a career) and the catch is that until you have a finished work and get connected with a publisher, you must have another form of income.  Then even once you have a work out there, the odds are not in your favor of that being your sole source of income.  Thus, you must have some other job.

Whatever.  I can live with that.

The other thing that I've found while researching the author life is that every single piece of advice says that if that's what you want to do, then you need to write for at least an hour every day.  It's not really important what you write, just THAT you write.  Now, in case you haven't noticed, I've been really bad about keeping up with this blog.  The problem, I've decided, is that I've never been on a regular schedule with it, and that I'm easily distracted.  I get bored writing it or run out of ideas and start working on something else instead.  Thus, I have developed a solution:

The VeeBJamN Network!

Four different and distinct blogs that will all be updated once a week on a different day.  The idea here is that each blog will have a slightly (or possibly drastically) different feel to it and I will update one of them each night of the week.  The other days, I will use the time I would normally spend writing blogs to research and write in the novels that I have rattling around in the back of my brain.  Hopefully, with some accountabilibuddies out there (I'm currently accepting applications for the position.), I'll be able to write every day and crank out a novel in the not-too-distant future.

What are these blogs and when can I expect updates for them, you ask?  Well I'm glad you asked:

• Beneath the Curls:  This blog will continue to be what it's been.  It will be a place for me to share with you whatever I've been thinking about.  Hopefully if this is cut back to once a week, they can actually be mostly quality posts rather than awkward posts about having nothing to say.  You can expect these updates on Sunday evenings.
  GoldenAfro.blogspot.com
• Get Me in Jail:  The Irregular Misadventures of Franc Bar.  Some of you have been following Franc's story for a little while now.  If you haven't been keeping up with it, now is the time!  As the stories of Franc, Kenneth, and Admiral continue to develop and begin to come together, things could get CRAZY!  I'm super excited about this one which will be updated on Monday nights.
  GetMeInJail.blogspot.com
• Rollicking Regards:  An all-new blog!  Red is one of the founding members of the zoologically puppetastic a capella group Bought & Paid 4 (currently available for bookings) and is ready to answer some fanmail.  If you need advice, would like Red's perspective, or would just like to tell him a cool story, send your letters to veebjamn@yahoo.com (because he hasn't figured out how to set up his own email address yet), and he will eagerly write back to you on Tuesday evenings.
  RollickingRegards.blogspot.com
• Let's Talk Talkies:  I love TV shows and movies and probably spend far too much time thinking about them.  I figured it was about time other people started hearing some of those thoughts and analyses.  My goal here is to offer my thoughts on at least one movie or TV show every week.  Who knows?  There may even be the occasional guest reviewer.  New reviews will be posted on Thursday nights.
  LetsTalkTalkies.blogspot.com

 These updates should start coming in the next week.  If you aren't interested in trying to keep up with where all of these are, there will be links updated on my website along with a brief summary of the post:

veebjamn.webs.com

 To my loyal followers up until now, I thank you for your support.  For those that are new to my writings, I thank you for giving me a chance.  For those that are sick of me saying thank you to vague groups of people, I thank you for keeping those opinions to yourself.

Welcome to the VeeBJamN Network!!!

Ready or Not

It never ceases to amaze me how wildly different some beliefs are across denominations.  On the surface, many of us do many of the same things, but some subtle differences, if looked at a bit more deeply, can reveal HUGE differences in the underlying beliefs.

My sister-in-law is a born and raised Baptist.  In the Baptist church, you are baptized when you accept Jesus into your life (or something like that).  I don't understand the theological details there because I'm a born and raised Lutheran and darn proud of it.  In the Lutheran church, more often than not, baptism is done as an infant.  That's not a rule, it's just how it typically takes place.  Whether she remembers them or not, we have had a few discussions about these differences.

I always understood baptism for Baptists to be very similar to confirmation for Lutherans.  In a lot of ways, this isn't a bad parallel.  Both, in their respective denominations, seem to signify a point where you are taking responsibility for your own faith.  However, there is still a large difference there that cuts right to the root of the differences in our views on baptism.  This difference was pointed out to me by a simple question from my sister-in-law:

"Why don't y'all do confirmation whenever the person is ready?"

 I'm sure I gave some snarky answer at the time (because when don't I?), but I've spent time thinking about it since then.  The idea was brought before me once again on Sunday when our WONDERFUL pastor gave her sermon about baptism.  She got the following story from somewhere, but I can't remember where.  Sorry if you're reading this and I stole it from you.  My bad.  It's just such a GREAT illustration.

In cattle country, occasionally, there are cattle that are wild and unmarked.  These cattle are referred to as mavericks.  (No.  I'm not talking about Sarah Palin.  But for those still playing the drinking game, I think this counts.)  Whichever rancher catches a maverick and puts their brand on it first is considered to be its owner.

There was a little girl who grew up on a ranch.  She had spent enough of her life out with her father dealing with their herd that she knew the lingo as well as she knew how to spell her name.  She was in school one day and for whatever reason, the discussion turned to religion.  The little girl proudly declared that she had been baptized and was a child of God (and darn proud of it!).  One little boy in her class didn't understand this.  He asked her what it meant to be baptized, and she explained it as clear as day.  "Well, you see, I was just a little maverick runnin' around the plains.  Then God snatched me up and put his brand on me, so everyone would know I'm his forever!"

In this simple statement from the mouth of a little girl comes what I consider to be the fundamental difference between a Lutheran understanding of God and a Baptist understanding of God.  Is God waiting for us, or is God hunting us down?

If you've ever seen a cow being branded, then you know that that cow has no interest in having a mark burned into its flesh.  They kick and whine and it usually takes several people to keep them down just long enough to get that mark on them.  That cow has no choice in the matter.  If you've ever watched an infant baptism, it's not so different.  I don't think I've ever seen an infant baptism where the child didn't start crying and screaming at some point.  The child has no choice in the matter.  If you've ever heard someone going through confirmation classes, it's not so different.  They whine and complain, and if it weren't for their parents, they probably would never go.

I don't want people to get the wrong idea. I'm not saying that there are not at least pieces of this in Baptist theology (for all I honestly know, this idea could be exactly the same in both). I'm also not saying that all Baptists believe this. My point is coming from a completely stereotypical version. But from what I've seen with things like altar calls, "be saved", and choosing when to enter God's family, the burden is on you. This image is God the Inviter. He sent out his invitations, and now it's up to you to come to him. This is a beautiful image of God.  If this is the version of God that you believe in, great!  The idea of being an invited guest to a King's banquet . . . how could anyone think that is bad?

It's just not the version of God that I see.

To me, a fundamental aspect of Lutheran theology is God the Hunter.  The God of Lutheran theology isn't sitting back waiting for you to come to him.  He's in your face, pinning you down, and branding you as his.  He isn't sitting in Heaven hoping that you will make the right choices and someday get to be with him.  He's with you right now whether you want him to be or not.  This is God the Hound, chasing Adam and Eve through Eden.  This is God the Seeker, trapping Jonah in a whale so he can't get away.  This is God the Cowboy, tackling you to the ground kicking and screaming, so that he can leave his mark on you, and everyone will know you're his forever.

The question here was not about which is the true identity of God.  God is all these things and more.  The question at hand was (if you'll recall), "Why don't y'all do confirmation whenever the person is ready?"  The answer to that question, with everything you've just read in mind, is relatively simple:

"God isn't waiting for you to be ready.  He's coming for you when HE is ready."

 I can't help but wonder what the world would be like if God had waited for anyone in the Bible (including Jesus) to realize they were ready before he thrust their task in front of them.

Rehumanizing the Christ Part IV A

Christmas is by far my favorite holiday.  My family has a full day's worth of traditions on Christmas Eve, and as far as I'm concerned, that is sacred.  Any other holiday during the year, you can change stuff around without upsetting me too much, but you do not mess with Christmas Eve.  Just go ahead and assume that I'm occupied all day Christmas Eve from now until . . . forever.  That's how serious I am.

With all that excitement that builds up for me, however, I find it necessary to restrict myself with regards to when I can get excited.  I really try hard to not think about Christmas before Thanksgiving so that my Christmas excitement doesn't overpower anything before then.

HOWEVER

I've been thinking about Christmas a lot lately.  I've been writing a Christmas puppet show for my church, so I've been listening to Christmas music and reading Christmas jokes and just generally spending a lot of time thinking about Christmas.  Thankfully, I'm almost done.  But since I'm on that train of thought, I started thinking about Joseph today, so I figured I may as well force you all to think about it too.

Thus, I humbly present for your consideration:

REHUMANIZING JOSEPH

 I'll warn you, this isn't going to be a happy friendly one.

From what I've seen, Joseph has been very romanticized in our culture.  Usually, he is viewed as a very caring, loving adoptive father.  He's viewed as a very willing parent to the newborn messiah and very open to raising this child that isn't genetically his.

But what if he wasn't?

The Bible doesn't talk much about Joseph.  He's seen as being betrothed to Mary, planning to divorce her quietly, being visited in a dream by an angel, and told to go ahead and marry her.  He has a couple more dreams telling them when they need to travel, but after that he's pretty much only mentioned with Mary or not at all.

And with ambiguity, I take the liberty of filling in the details as I choose.

Usually, the details are filled in very optimistically, but what if they weren't?  What if we take a more pessimistic approach?  What if Joseph was more of an absentee parent?  This is how I will be looking at the narrative.  Sorry.

Joseph is betrothed to a beautiful girl.  He's excited about it.  Until he finds out she's pregnant.

Obviously, the girl slept with someone else.  And really, he couldn't blame her.  He was nearly twice her age.  But he still cared about her.  More importantly, he still cared about his own reputation.  If he were to divorce her without anyone finding out, he could keep from anyone making the connection that she cheated on him.  Just maybe, they would think that she had simply had sex with someone prior to marriage.  Not the best scenario for her, but it was the best he could do.

Then, one night, he's visited in a dream by an angel.  This incredibly intimidating figure tells him that he should still marry her.  What could he do?  He couldn't say no to someone who could transcend all the laws of the universe and enter directly into his mind!

So he married her.

When the child was born, he tried hard to care for the child.  He wanted to be a good father, but he felt trapped.  He knew the boy wasn't his.  By rights, he owed this boy nothing, but he was trapped.  He couldn't divorce her now that there was a kid.  What would people think?  More importantly, what would the angel do?

As the boy grew up, Joseph became more and more aware of the fact that this boy wasn't his.  He didn't look like him.  He didn't act like him.  Joseph had both feet firmly planted on the ground while this boy was flying high with his head in the clouds.  This was not his son, and he knew it.  But no one else did.  So this kid was going to get his inheritance.

After all, the world thought the boy was his.

He had several more sons, and desperately wanted to reveal the truth so that HIS son could get what was rightfully his.  But his reputation.  And the angel.

He couldn't do it.

That didn't mean he had to treat this boy like a son.

I'm going to leave the rest of this to your imagination, because in my mind, it gets very dark from there.  In the modern retelling, following this line of thought, Joseph becomes an alcoholic and eventually dies trying to tell the truth as he does.  It's super depressing.

For the record, I HATE this image of Joseph.  I think it's awful.  Unfortunately, it's something that some people have to go through.  Who's to say Jesus didn't have to go through it too?  If you notice, the title of this post has an "A" in it.  "B" will be coming very soon:  REDEEMING JOSEPH.  I much prefer the image of Joseph that I will talk about in that one.

But think about it.

What if Jesus didn't have a happy childhood?

It's sad.  It should be just as sad that it happens to anyone.






I promise the next one will be happy!  It'll melt your heart and make it smile!

My Obligatory Election Post

I'm trying to write a Christmas puppet show for my church and I hit a writer's block on the last scene, so I figure I may as well get my obligatory election post out of the way.

Let me just take care of this now since I'm talking politics:  ACHOO!

To be honest, I don't know who's winning right now.  I do know that the last time I checked the CNN website, Romney had the popular vote, but Obama was winning the election.  Thank you electoral college.  You are what's wrong with America.  Whoever ends up winning, I don't really care.

As far as I can tell, our government is set up to slow down change as much as possible.  Whoever wins, by the time they've managed to put any legislation through, it'll have been talked to death and resuscitated so many times that most of us will just be happy the debates over it are done.  Moreover, the president is mostly for giving speeches.  Both these guys have shown that they can do that, so, you know, there it is.

This pretty much seems to sum up this election:

Epic Rap Battles of History: Obama vs Romney

I'm pretty sure Lincoln won that one.  No surprise.  He already beat Chuck Norris in a rap battle.  The fact that this race has come down to choosing between "the shiniest of two turds" is the result of our two party system.  I think parties can even make it worse for their own candidate.  Republicans make me not want to vote for Romney and Democrats make me not want to vote for Obama.  Without political parties, we would at least get to choose between the shiniest of three or four turds.

Here's my view of politics in three simple words:  less is more.

I don't like the government to be intervening in every aspect of my life.  I'm far more a capitalist than a socialist.  You want your government to pay for all your needs?  Make enough money to buy your own country.  I also don't think it's the government's job to enforce much of a moral code.  Keep people from killing each other, sure.  But on gray areas where we can't agree, I say leave it to people to decide.

Wonder Woman gave me the best perspective on this I've heard yet.  We were talking about abortion and she said that she doesn't agree with abortion, but it isn't the government's place to enforce that moral code.  I completely agree with this!  I think it's wrong to cheat on you spouse, but that doesn't mean the government should fine you for adultery.  I think it's wrong to stand outside the SUB and tell people their going to Hell.  That doesn't mean it's the government's responsibility to shut them up.  When the government starts enforcing a particular extreme of a moral gray area, we are one step closer to the government that instigated WWII.

I'm done ranting on the government, so I'll sum it up.  I don't think the government should be paying for health care.  For anyone.  I think health care should be viewed as a service provided by individuals or companies.  I don't think America should be intervening in other country's governments.  How arrogant of us is it that we think we've perfected human government?  I think tax money should go to protecting citizens.  By that I mean minimalistic.  Have an army as an intimidation factor to other countries.  Have law enforcement to protect citizens from each other.  Don't pay politicians.  EVER.

Just imagine for a moment, if you will, a country run only by those who care enough to perform those duties on a volunteer basis.  More importantly, imagine a country where the people who make the laws must follow the laws.

Regardless of your views or mine on politics, what today really comes down to is voting.

I've heard over and over again people telling others that they need to vote if they are able.  "It doesn't matter who you vote for, as long as you vote."  I'm sorry to offend you, but I don't think everyone who CAN vote SHOULD vote.

Allow me to explain.

I believe that if you are educated on the issues and the candidates, you have a moral obligation to vote.  ESPECIALLY if you feel strongly one way or the other.  However, on the other hand, I think that if you don't actually know what each candidate stands for or you don't know what's going on the country and you are voting just for the sake of voting, I believe you have a moral obligation NOT to vote.

Democracy is a form of government walking an extremely fine line.  The word was intended to mean "rule by the people".  However, even back in ancient Athenian times, people were referring to democracy as "rule by the mob".  When we form together and join the group behind a candidate just for the sake of exercising our right to vote, we fall solidly into being ruled by mobs.  If you don't know what a candidate stands for, how can you say you support them?

I will be honest.  I didn't vote.

I consider myself fairly educated on issues, but I honestly don't care about the role of the president enough to get educated on their platforms.  As such, if I were to vote for either Obama or Romney for president, I would consider myself to be slapping the American political system in the face, and if you don't vote for one of those two, thanks to political parties, your vote is a complete waste.  I hope to someday care enough to get educated, but right now, I don't.  Either candidate will do things that will make me hate them, because I have problems with authority.  Hazards of being a middle child.  (Check the statistics!  Their fun!)

If you are passionate toward either candidate, you are betraying yourself, the system, and America by not voting.  If you are uneducated or honestly don't care, you are betraying yourself, the system, and America by voting.

Vote.  Don't vote.

Vote for Obama.  Vote for Romney.

In the end, the world is gone in 45 days anyway.

ACHOO!





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UPDATE (like, 3 seconds later):

I'm not a big fan of drama queens freaking out thinking that things are going to suddenly drastically change, but they are NOTHING compared to what I just read.

Dear Facebook user, comments such as "take a step back and fuck your own face" directed at people simply for preferring one candidate over the other are NEVER acceptable.  That right there is the reason people hate politics, avoid them, and don't vote.  I sincerely hope the person who posted that is reading this.  You are being childish.  You are being rude on the deepest possible level I can imagine.  There is absolutely no reason to say things like that in a civilized setting.

Have a molecule of class, would you?