Multilingual Love

As a teenager (I will claim teenagership as long as I possibly can), and moreover as a human being with no other authority over my creative endeavors, I reserve the right to change my mind about my blog whenever I feel like it.  Since I actually had some creative inspiration today, I have decided to throw my yesterday-mentioned "every other day" guideline out the window!

I was listening to the radio as I was driving home from Maundy Thursday service this evening, and I hit the standard lull in good songs among all my typical stations.  I then found myself on a station with a radio talk show that comes on in the evenings.  This talk show is usually very emotional in nature and the host speaks very softly . . . and . . . talks . . . really . . . slow.     The . . . music . . . that . . . plays . . . is . . . very . . . similar . . . to . . . her . . . speech.

I don't normally listen to this show for that very reason.

Tonight, however, I stopped because what she was talking about was very interesting.  I had actually talked about it before with my family, but she reminded me that I have been meaning to write about it for a while.

The topic of discussion for the brief period that I tolerated the nightmare that is "Delilah" was love languages.

Many people have heard, thanks to the modern education system, that different people learn in different ways whether it be by hearing something, seeing something, or doing something.  However, most people don't realize that this differentiation in nature applies not only to learning, but to many other things.  One of these is the way people share and experience love.

This is all discussed very in-depth in the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  If you're interested, here's the website for it:  Five Love Languages.

The five languages are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.  According to Chapman's explanation of these, generally people are drawn to others that "speak a different love language".  That fact right there explains why it is important to know these languages and to be able to identify them in yourself and others.  Things that are important to you may not be important to those you love and vice-versa.  Most are exactly what they sound like, but I'm gonna go through them anyway.

• Words of affirmation is language based, as the name suggests, on actual words.  To people that speak this language, hearing you tell them how much you love them and, more importantly, why you love them is extremely important and one of the best things they can experience.  On the other hand, an insult to this person is not easily brushed off.  A harsh word can stick with these people for a long time and be very detrimental.
• Quality time is based in being with the person.  For these people, it's important to give them your attention.  They need you to be with them without distractions such as television, chores, and work.  On the other hand, ignoring this person, be distracted, or any form of putting off being with them can be very painful.
• Receiving gifts is pretty self explanatory.  For these people, receiving gifts is a big deal.  This doesn't mean they are greedy or, as Chapman says, materialistic.  According to Chapman, the gift is not as important as the thought behind it.  It doesn't have to be something extravagant.  A gift says that you were thinking about the person enough to get them something.  Delilah was saying that for her son, it's something tangible that he can hold and look at while thinking about you.  She used the example of a cool stone that she found and gave to him.  Because the thought behind the gift is so important, a thoughtless gift or a missed birthday or anniversary can be devastating.
• Acts of service is based on doing stuff for the other person.  For people that speak this language, doing their chores for them, or performing some kind of service that benefits them shows thoughtfulness and a concern for their needs and workload.  On the other hand, if you add to their work, you are likely to hurt them and tell them that you don't care about their needs.
• Physical touch is not necessarily what you think it is.  It's not naughty if you know what I mean.  It means that a pat on the back, a hug, or holding hands can be very important to this person.  On the other hand, if they cannot tangibly be with you, it can be very painful for them.

These languages generally do not just apply to the way people receive and interpret love but also to the way they convey love.  For instance, my primary language is physical touch.  Giving people hugs is an important way for me to show people that I love them.  I have received many positive reviews on my hugs and that is because they are important to me.  At the same time, with people I don't know very well, I am not likely to be very touchy-feely with them because I do not love them.

Interestingly enough, for many people, someone's love language can be different for different types of relationships.  For example, receiving gifts may be important to someone in a romantic relationship, but words of affirmation may be important to them in a family-type relationship.

Learning your own love language can be very helpful in making sure that you receive appropriate love, but learning someone else's love language can be even more helpful in interpreting how someone feels about you and communicating your feelings back to them.  If you are interested in learning your love language, here's some nice quizzes on Chapman's website:  Love Language Quiz.  As I said, sometimes people have different love languages for different relationships, so there are multiple quizzes on the site.

When my family was talking about this, my mom mentioned that she and my dad took this quiz a LOOOONG time ago ;) and found what they had in common.  They both had quality time ranking pretty high, so they have made a point of spending time together.  They are both brilliant, so I would recommend this for all relationships that you want to last.