"Here I am. Send me."

For Christmas this year, one of the best presents I got was a guitar.  I tried to learn guitar a few years ago (I think it may have been in middle school?), almost convinced myself that I had learned one song, then became disinterested in it.  Over the summer at camp, I wanted to learn again and almost convinced myself I had learned a few chords, but I didn't have a guitar of my own and was far too lazy to ask someone else to borrow theirs every time I wanted to play.  My hope was that if I owned a guitar, I would be more motivated to learn to play it.

It seems I was right.  I guess even a blind squirrel gets a nut every now and then.

Since Christmas, I have fairly effectively convinced myself that I can play several songs on it and can pull off most of the chords needed to play camp songs.  As I was flipping through the little book I've been using to teach myself (the green camp book with such winners as "Muff the Tragic Wagon" and "Somebody Touched Me"), I came across my all-time favorite hymn.

It's one of those songs where the people who compile these books are never entirely sure what to call it.  I know it as "Here I Am, Lord", but I've also seen it as "I the Lord of Sea and Sky", and something else that made no sense to me so I didn't take the time to remember it.  Whatever you call it, I love it.  I looked around on YouTube for quite a while listening to different versions of this song and, interestingly, decided I like it a lot more when sung in a group rather than as an individual.  After listening to nearly a dozen that I didn't think did it justice, I heard this one.  LOVED IT!

Here I Am, Lord arr. Craig Courtney

Since I learned it and it's my favorite, I've spent a lot of time playing it.  Since I've spent a lot of time playing it, I've, of course, spent a lot of time thinking about it.  I say that it's interesting that I like it better when sung by a group because it's a very VERY personal and intimate song . . . at least I thought.  We'll come back to that.

In my thoughts about this song, I've considered many aspects of it.  The first is the correlation between it and my confirmation verse:

"I heard the voice of the Lord say, 'Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?'  Then I said, 'Here I am.  Send me."  Isaiah 6:8

My wonderful confirmation teacher was kind enough to let us choose our confirmation verses for ourselves rather than picking them for us.  I had loved this verse for a long time and have since used it to try and look at my life.  It's become something of a personal mission statement for me.  I've also always loved the story I associate with the verse (even though they don't necessarily go together).  That's the story of Samuel's call.  You can read it in 1st Samuel 3 if you're interested.  This was the obvious standout from the song.  Kind of the, "Duh!"  I didn't stop there.

(Side Note:  Apparently I'm not the only one who's mad this connection, because according to my sources, the author of "Here I Am, Lord" based it on both of these.)

Through my analysis of the song, I came across some other choice quotes that stuck out:

• All who dwell in dark and sin, my hand will save.
• I will make their darkness bright.  Who will bear my light to them?
• I will break their hearts of stone, give them hearts for love alone.
• Finest bread I will provide till their hearts be satisfied.
• I will give my life to them.
• Whom shall I send?
• I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
• I will hold your people in my heart.

The basis of the song is a conversation.  The verses are God talking and the chorus is the human response.

God's comments are very interesting throughout the song.  He says repeatedly, "I will do this."  He says that he will make their darkness bright, break their hearts of stone, and give his life to them.  However, he follows up all these grand statements of what he will do rather quickly with questions of "Who will bear my light to them?" and "Whom shall I send?"  Wait a minute.  I thought God was planning on doing all of this?  As a kangaroo in an odd little video would say, "WTF, mate?"

This is really where things got interesting to me.  God makes such grand statements about what he's going to do, but then he starts asking for volunteers.  I was then bashed upside the head with the ELCA's (what's the word?  Motto?  Slogan?  I'm gonna go with slogan) slogan, "God's Work.  Our Hands."  Paul said in one of his oh so many letters that we are the body of Christ.  God's taking volunteers because we're his hands, feet, and mouth out here in the world.  He may be making their darkness bright, but we're the ones who are supposed to bear his light.  He may be breaking their hearts of stone, but he sends us in after to pick up the pieces for him.  Heck, we may be the ones wielding the sledge hammers to bash open their hearts.  He needs us.

But for what?

Because of the story of Samuel, I've always associated this song with calling a prophet.  Samuel spoke to God when he was alone in his room and was called to be God's voice.  This is similar to so many prophet's calls.  They are called to hold God's people in their hearts.  Since pastors are the closest thing we have to prophets today, I've also always associated this song with being called into ministry.  Again, that's an easy stretch.  However, prophets were generally loners.  They wouldn't be singing this song in a group.

So why do I find it more powerful and meaningful when sung by a group?  For that matter, why do so many people who aren't in the ministry field moved by it?  It must relate to them somehow.

I spent more time than I care to admit thinking about that little problem.  How does this relate to everyone?  When it finally came to me, it seemed so obvious that I put myself in timeout for an hour.  Jesus said straight up how this relates to everyone.  Yeah.  I said Jesus.

The last line of the chorus was simultaneously the source of my frustration and the key to finding the solution.  It says, "I will hold your people in my heart."  Just before putting myself in timeout, it became obvious to me that this was actually a very simple phrase that had poetically worded.  Translated it simply means, "I will love your people."  To you that picked up on this a long time ago, I know.  I can hear you cries of, "Well, duh!" through time and space, and that's precisely why I put myself in timeout.

When asked which of the commandments is the greatest, he wisely responded:

"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"  Matthew 22:37-39 (NIV)

Great, so it makes sense, right?  We're all called to love, and that's what the song is saying.

Ok.  But love is a weird word, isn't it?  I mean, is it an emotion?  Is it an action?  Is it romantic?  Is it fraternal?  How many people can you love at once?  How do I know if I love someone?  How do I know if someone loves me?

This can mostly be chalked up to limitations in the English language.  English has one word for these things.  Greek has three.  It has one for romantic or erotic love, one for brotherly love, and one called Agape that people have only ever described to me as the love God has for us.  Some people call it unconditional love, but I haven't taken enough time to consider the ramifications of that phrase.  I think the truth is that we don't really have sufficient language in this area to say what is really meant.  That's why the Greeks came up with a word for it.

I would like you to notice that in the verses love is a verb.  It's not just something you feel or something that's there.  It's something you do.  Combine this with Agape and you've really got something.

My personal definition of this kind of love actually comes from the movie Robots.  In this movie, there's an inventor.  He says that the best way to come up with an invention is to look for a need and then start trying to think of ways to fill that need.  It kinda becomes an ongoing motto in the movie:

"See a need, fill a need."

This is what love is.  You have to see what needs other people have, then work to fill them.  So does that mean that I should walk up to everyone I meet, ask them what they need and then spend the rest of my day catering to their every whim?  No.  Interestingly, humans are very good at this kind of love already, they just don't realize it.  You probably could be doing it every day.

Are you a teacher?  Love people by educating them.  Are you a pastor?  Love people by helping them to become spiritually filled.  Are you a fry cook?  Love people by helping them to get fed.  Are you a lawyer?  Love people by helping them get justice.  Are you a parent?  Love people by raising them well.  Are you a mechanic?  Love people by helping them transport themselves.  Are you a doctor?  Love people by helping them stay healthy.  Are you a student?  Love people by working hard to learn how to love people in whatever your future profession may be.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."  Colossians 3:23 (NIV)

Whatever it is you do, find your own way to show people you love them.  I think there's another song in there, actually:

That's How You Know

Ignoring the awesomeness that is old men dancing, and the fact that I love this movie and desperately want everyone in my left to burst into coordinated song and dance one day, this song has some good points.  You can find your own way to show people you love them with everything you do.  The grand gesture like planing a picnic are great, but sometimes it's wearing someone's favorite color that could show them the love they need.  Ask yourself regularly, "Who am I loving by doing this?"  If you answer yourself with, "No one." then why are you doing it?

"Whom shall I send.  Who will go for us?"

You aren't alone in this.

Here we are.  Send us.

FUS RO DAH

At this moment, college students nationwide are charging headlong into finals.  Personally, I'm sitting here at the end of dead day.  For most people, this is a day of intense studying and preparation for these extremely difficult tests that . . . ACHOO!!!  Wow, I got farther through that sentence than I thought I would.

Let's be honest, whatever the intention of dead day, studying is boring and even when we're studying, we're looking for a distraction.  I am even now finding distractions from things I should be doing.  Specifically, I'm not writing a paper for my Ancient Technology class.  Throughout the second half of this semester, I've found one of the most effective means of distracting myself that has possibly ever existed (as if I actually needed help getting distracted).  Skyrim.

Skyrim is a role-play game for the Xbox.  Generally RPGs have a general story line and a few side quests that effectively distract you from the main quest (that way you can be distracted from your distraction).  This particular game is INSANE!!!  There are so many side quests and changeable features that you can play several different times with several different results.  There's a huge map that is entirely explorable.  You can just walk around the world of Syrim for hours even days and still discover things you've never seen.  It makes it incredibly easy to get distracted over and over again.

I was first told about this game by my bestestest friend in the entire world, DJ.  He first told me about it quite a while ago and then let me comendere his Xbox the weekend it came out and start my first character.  Unfortunately for me, my roommate also has the game.  I have made two more characters since that weekend.  I love my first one to death.  I would hate to meet my second one down a dark alley.  I hate my third one.

For the next few paragraphs to make any sense, you're going to need some background on the story of the game.  In order for the background of the story to make much sense, there are some things you need to know.  There are several species of playable characters in the game.  There are the cat-like Khajiit, the lizard-looking Argonians, Orcs, a few species of Elves, and several breeds of humans.  The only playable race native to Skyrim are the Nords, a race of humans very similar to the Norse of our world.

Skyrim is a province of a continent called Tamriel.  Tamriel is governed by an empire.  Skyrim is ruled over by a high king who is generally allowed to rule by the Emperor.  Sometime before the start of the game, a man called Ulfric killed the high king and instigated a civil war between his followers, known as Stormcloaks, and the Imperial Legion.  The Stormcloaks' goal (ignoring the political issue of whether or not Ulfric wants to be high king) is to reclaim Skyrim for the Nords.  They view all other races as inferior.  At the start of the game, the player's character is about to be executed by the Empire when a dragon attacks (dragons were thought to be extinct).  Through the course of the main quest, the player's character finds out that they are "Dragonborn,"  which means that they can use the power of dragons to convert their voice into various attacks and abilities and that it is their destiny to destroy the dragons.

FUS RO DAH is a shout the Dragonborn learns along the way.  Each shout is made of three words and FUS is the first word the Dragonborn will generally learn.  As you learn the other words it gets more powerful.  FUS RO DAH has the effect of sending out a blast that staggers your enemy (and anyone else in your way).  Here's a perfect example:

FUS RO DAH!!!

So there's the main quest line to destroy the dragons, the civil war (in which you can join either side or simply let them fight for eternity), and any other quest lines you feel like getting involved with.  That's about as summed up as I can make it.  If you think that sounds nerdy and complicated, try actually playing the game.  I really only got you up to the beginning of the game with that little summary.

The things I really want to talk about, though, are my characters.

My first character was a Khajiit.  As I worked with him, I realized that I preferred using magic or summoning something else to fight for me.  Because of this and the fact that I insisted on wearing the strongest armor I could find, DJ deemed him a "battle mage".  That term just made me love him more.  Naturally, with him, I joined the mage's college to improve my magic.  However, despite being my first and most loved character, he is on DJ's console and I haven't gotten to play much with him.

My second character is the one I've played with the most.  He's an Argonian and with him, I've travelled through time, been to the other side of death, become leader of a fighting group, joined up with an assassin's guild that tried to kill him three times, bought a house, gotten married, and saved the world.  We've been busy.  I have also gained an in-game (an often out-of-game) obsession through him with a race called the Daedra (demon-like creatures).  This is mostly because they have really cool weapons and gear.  Because of all that Daedric gear, he looks terrifying.

An interesting tidbit to remember about him:  Despite being an Argonian, his tale is his only feature that would let you distinguish him from human.  This is because he rarely if ever takes off a mask that he got from a Daedric prince.  I'll circle back to this later.

My third character is an Orc.  I dealt with him differently.  With him, I tried to define a character and then work with what that left me.  I have found that this severely limits my options with him.  About the only interesting thing I've done with him is join the imperial legion.

These characters have led me to some interesting discoveries that have less to do with Skyrim and more to do with you and me.  Brace yourselves.

FUS

I started thinking about why I like my first two characters so much and hate my third one.  By all rights, I should like the third one better.  After all, he's the one I deliberately had the most control over as I played because I wasn't as swept up in the story line.

Did you catch the end of that paragraph?  I wasn't swept up in the story line.

With my first two characters, I simply played the game and let my experiences therein define the character.  With my third one, I worked very hard to impose this character upon the world rather than let the world make the character.  As you go through quests and help (or hurt) people, you are given skills and weapons and apparel that help to make your character who they are.  By trying to impose my character upon this world, I found so much of the things that happened to simply be a waste.

Now let's flip it around.  Have you ever tried to force yourself into being someone?  How'd it work out for you?

Very rarely have I ever met someone who entered the world knowing who they were going to be.  Besides that, even when those people did know, they generally found themselves changing along the way and becoming something different.  If you try to force this character you've created upon the world, you may find many of your experiences to be wasted and a frustrating waste of time.  Instead if you let yourself get swept up in the story that is your life and allow all of your experiences to become a part of who you are, you'll find yourself to be a much richer character and you may enjoy your life more.

If you thought that was good, I'm just getting started.

RO

As I mentioned earlier, my second character is a bit of a Daedric enthusiast and as part of one of those quests, he received a mask.  Before I got the mask, I was fine with the way my character looked.  I could rock a helmet pretty well, but that mask changed everything.  Since then, he has worn some kind of mask at all times (unless the game forced me to do otherwise).

This led me to an interesting revelation about the character:  He hates the fact that he's an Argonian.

I've realized that this character has worked very hard to cover up every sign he can that he's an Argonian.  Up until I realized this, I hadn't touched the civil war.  My character went ahead and saved the world after leading what most people in this world would consider a full life, but the war raged on.  With the revelation of this twinge of self-loathing (which I have since decided my character doesn't even realize about himself), I decided that he should join with the Stormcloaks (who also have a hatred for all non-Nords), because he would identify with them.

Now, some of you are saying that I did with this character exactly what I said I hated about my first character.  Wrong!  The truth is that this situation is very different.  You see, I didn't try to force characteristics upon my character, but identified characteristics the story had forced upon him and acted on them.  Balance.

You see, acting on your characteristics is not a bad thing.  I know that I'm a sucker for characters and stories, so I read and watch movies and write and play ridiculous video games like Skyrim.  I never sat down and said, "I'm going to like stories."  No, I realized that for some reason, I like them, so I act on that.

This is where you meet the world.  Up to a point, the world is going to define you.  There's nothing wrong with letting it do so.  Despite what many people are saying these days, It's completely natural to allow the world to define you.  However, you must have some balance.  It's important to realize what the world has made you into so that you can either choose to act on or avoid certain characteristics.  If the world has turned you into a dark and hateful person, that's no excuse.  You have a responsibility to discover what the world has done to you and see yourself for who you are.  If you don't like what you see, you have a right to change things.

To review, we've seen two ends of the scale:  trying to force yourself upon the world and letting the world rule you.  Balance between the two is the key.

So what's the trick to balance?

In Bible studies with Preach'rman, he often talks about the characters involved in the stories.  We have spent large amounts of time trying to find those characters in us.  He refers to this as letting the Bible interpret us, or "meeting ourselves".  It's a very interesting concept, because I think so very few people have met themselves.  Very few people have identified who they are.  If you don't identify who you are, you're no better than those people that try to force themselves to be something they're not.

The trick to balance with my Argonian was identifying his self-hatred.  Had I not come to that realization, I probably wouldn't have taken a side in the civil war at all and missed out on a very interesting quest line.

The trick to balance in your life is living in between the ever-changing character the world has made you into and the ever-changing character you hope to become.

DAH

Today, I'm hoping to push you into living in that gray area.  Somewhere between who you planned to be and who you plan to be lies who you are.  So ask yourself this:

Where are you on the scale?  Is the world ruling you?  Are you trying to force yourself into being a character you're not?

Who are you?

Christ's Mass

Christmas is coming up faster than any of us would like to admit and with that comes the ever infamous debate over what Christmas is all about.

Personally, I'm sick of said debate.

We can argue for days on end over whether or not Christmas has become completely commercialized, but I, like so many others, am completely sick of the argument.  It feels like you can't follow any Christmas tradition these days without someone pointing out how commercialized the holiday has gotten.  I must admit, I've fallen prey to this trend as well.  I have, sadly, caught myself griping about the true meaning of Christmas being lost to the world, but has it?

The word Christmas quite simply comes from words meaning "Christ's Mass".  Very clever.  The Christ part is obvious.  Duh.  The mass part is pretty simple too.  It's the mass we've all heard of from the Catholic church.  In my opinion, you could even go a little more broad and say that "mass" simply refers to a group of people such as the group of people that gathered on the night of Christ's birth.  Thus, the "real meaning" of Christmas is a group of people gathering in the name of the messiah.

"For where two or three gather in my name, there I am with them."  Matthew 18:20 (NIV)

Christmas has developed a large group of traditions.  These range from Christmas trees to going to church to eating Chinese food to creepy old guys watching you and sneaking into your house at night.  Not the least of these traditions is gift giving.  This is also the one that draws the most criticism.

I have been avoiding making my Christmas list for several weeks now.  I was asked for it back before Halloween and refused on principle.  I did, however, promise that I would "turn one in" before I went back to school this weekend.  The last couple of years, I've found it difficult to make a Christmas list because once I do, I realize well over half of my list is movies.  To me, that's not a bad thing.  I love movies!  However, I know I don't like buying people clothes for Christmas.  I think they're boring, and I have no fashion sense.  I'm sure there are probably other people who feel similarly about movies.

Because of this whole situation, I found myself falling back to the old standby:  Google.

You'd be amazed how many people across the Internet have asked the question, "What do I want for Christmas?"  You may be less surprised to learn that more often than not there's at least one smart alec (not my first choice of word) that pipes off some answer about being selfish and not caring about the real meaning of Christmas.  I read several of these simply because they got me annoyed (which more often than not seems to lead to some of my best blog posts).

As I was reading annoying people quoting the Bible and blubbering on and on about our self-centered society and blah blah blah, I realized that Christmas lists are not necessarily a sign of a selfish society.

What is the basis of Christmas lists?  Christmas presents.  How is giving someone a gift a sign of selfishness?  In fact, gift giving has become a major gathering point during the holiday season.

"For where two or three gather in my name, there I am with them."  Matthew 18:20 (NIV)

If you've learned anything about Love Languages, you'll know that one of them is gifts.  Gifts show that you care enough to think about a person in advance and get them something.  Sometimes, people think about a person in advance and would love to get them a gift, but they don't know what to get them.  That's where Christmas lists come in.  Who knows what you want better than you do?

By giving gifts, you're showing love.  If you're gathering together to show love, is there anything closer to gathering in Christ's name?  If two people gather together to show love, are they not fully buying into the true meaning of Christmas?  Has Christmas been commercialized?  Probably, but no more than any other holiday.  Really, from what I can tell, "commercialized" to most people simply means wrapped in tradition.

Gift giving isn't commercialization.  It's gathering together in show love.  Gathering in Christ's name.  Being part of Christ's Mass.  Christmas.

You'll Be Gone and I'll Notice

Whatever part of my brain that is responsible for rational productive thinking seems to have been murdered this week by the part of my brain responsible for overthinking and complete ridiculocity.  Thankfully, I haven't had much homework to worry about.  Not so thankfully, I haven't had much homework to worry about.

I say thankfully because if I did have a ton of homework, I'm not so sure I could successfully finish it.  On the other hand, since I don't have hardly any homework, I'm left with a ton of time to indulge that murderous irrational piece of my brain that has staged one of the most successful coups in history and is in complete control.  I've tried to fill up the murder's time with story writing (as that is its typical function), but that seems unsuccessful.  The only thing that seems to keep it at bay and prevent it from going complete serial killer on my vital functions is indulging its persistent endless trains of thought.

Guess what?  Since you're reading this, you're now trapped on a high speed train with the previously mentioned serial killer.  Choo-choo!

I have thought for years that I am a heartless monster.  Those that know me best are saying, "No!  You're sweet and loving!"  While those that know me best are saying, "Yup.  That's about right."  Thanks to the seditious Overthought (which I have now decided to call him), I have decided otherwise.

My first hint that I am not a heartless monster came along with the thoughts associated with yesterday's post.  I thought for the longest time that I was a heartless monster because I couldn't write love stories, I had no heart.  When I discovered that this had nothing to do with the love involved and more to do with boredom, I was satisfied and decided that I might have a heart.

But there were other arguments involved.

Unfortunately, my body requires sleep which means that I can't stay up all night writing here.  That means that I don't have enough time to discuss all of the many reasons and examples as to my theory of heartlessness.  I do, however, have time to debunk one.

This summer I revealed to a group of people just how heartless of a monster I am by pointing out that other than my family, I had only ever missed four people.  You may now fight amongst yourselves as to who those people are.  When you're done trying to figure out if you're one of those special few, I'll continue and make the world make sense again.  No, no.  It's ok.  Take your time.

 . . .

 . . .

Are you done crying yet?  Thank goodness.  I don't really feel like dealing with that while talking about how I'm not a heartless monster.  That's just too much work.

I only just recently realized why "I don't miss people" while other people do.  It's really a very simple solution.  Other people don't miss people either!  I'll now give you some time to have your little hissy fit about how so-and-so does too miss you and how you really miss so-and-so.  Go on.  Have your tantrum.

 . . .

 . . .

Finished?  Great.

My firm belief is that people don't know what it means to miss someone.  No one has ever, in my opinion, explained society's view of the phrase "I'm going to miss you" better than The Big Bang Theory.  If you've never seen The Big Bang Theory, you should immediately stop reading, go to the mirror, look yourself in the eye and inform your brain that you have been depriving it, return to your computer and Google it.  You will eventually discover more than one website where you can watch full episodes online.  Come back when you're done.

In one episode (the season two finale if I recall correctly (which I normally do)), Leonard goes to tell Penny that he will be taking a trip to the North Pole for a scientific expedition.  When he tells her, one of her responses is "Oh, I'm gonna miss you."  Later in the episode, Leonard returns to ask Penny what she meant by that.  Her response was "I don't know.  You'll be gone and I'll notice."

That about sums up what I can only figure is most people's view of the phrase "I miss you."  To most people most of the time it means "I noticed you weren't around."  In all actuality, they're perfectly accurate with the definition:

"To discover or regret the loss or absence of," World English Dictionary

The "miss" in "I miss you" is, most of the time, "to discover the absence of."  In that respect, I miss my million dollars.  I miss my wings.  I miss my nine-foot-tall labradoodle, Crackers.

I, having a brain that doesn't exactly work in the same way as most people, tend to reserve the word "miss" for the definition "to regret the loss of."  When I say "I miss so-and-so" I am taking note of a legitimate feeling of loss in my life.  I legitimately feel like something important is missing when that person is not around.  Those four people that I said earlier I missed were people that at various times were crucial pillars of my emotional stability for one reason or another, and, without them, I felt like something deep inside me was not being properly supported.

Suddenly the word "miss" is a little less frivolous.  Don't you think?

There's a reason why I say I don't miss people.  I used to think that other people understood "miss" the same way I did.  It was not until very recently that I realized I'm not a heartless monster.  It's not that I miss people less than others.  It's simply that I put a lot more value on the word.  Do I notice people's absence?  Yes.  Does my mind immediately jump to "I miss that person"?  No.

Now, as usual, it's time to turn this train around a little bit.  You've ridden this long with Overthought and now it's time to turn the reins over to you.  (Don't ask why the train has reins)  Who in your life do you really miss?  I'm not talking about "discover the absence of".  I'm talking about "regret the loss of".

Who are those people in your life that, when they aren't around, leave a gaping human-shaped hole in your life that it seems only they can fill?

Love in Literature

This week, my brain's been in overdrive.  I can't yet give you a reason as to why, though spend enough time thinking about why you're thinking and you'll come to some interesting conclusions.

My brain forcing me to spend unhealthy amounts of time thinking about everything in my life wouldn't be such a bad thing if it were letting me follow these extremely long trains of thought to something that I can actually post here.  Unfortunately, my brain is train hopping.  Before it gets to a depot, it hops onto a passing train and heads off in a different direction.  It's very disorienting.

One of the things my brain finally settled on was an unfortunate almost promise I made to someone this summer.  I said that I would attempt to write a love story.  Oh.  My.  Gosh.  It should not be this difficult!  Unfortunately, love itself has basically become a cliche in our society and is so expected in stories that I can't abide it.  When we meet a guy and a girl in a story, we immediately start trying to figure out how they're going to end up together.  You can try to subvert expectations in so many ways, but love in literature is as disgustingly predictable as a dog peeing on a fire hydrant.  It's just what you expect.

This isn't necessarily a bad thing.  Some people have very unpredictable lives and need escape from that in the stability of a cliched story line with stock characters you already know.  This is why there is a genre of movies called the chick flick and a genre of literature known as "the marriage plot" which, unfortunately, I took an entire semester studying.  Trust me.  It's cliched and boring.

Before you scream at your computer screen and say that just because something is cliched doesn't mean it's boring, I completely agree with you.  I am not suggesting causation, merely correlation.  In this case, romance stories are not only cliched and not only boring, but cliched AND boring.

I finally came to the realization today that this is exactly why I have so much trouble writing love stories.  They're predictable.  I don't like writing predictable.  I have been desperately working today to try and find a way to make the story unpredictable (particularly the ending) but as soon as I introduce a guy and a girl, the first thought of everyone who read love stories is, "O-M-G!  They would be SOOOOO cute together!"  (Insert wrist flick here.)  I honestly thought for a while about doing a guy-guy or girl-girl love story for the pure unpredictability of it, but I just couldn't bring myself to write it.

Giving up on the possibility of being unpredictable, I went for intentionally cliched.  That ended up not being much better.  I got so bored with it that my narrator ended up doing a linguistic commentary on the phrase "once upon a time" which, despite being very interesting, did nothing to move the story along and was really rather boring and pointless when I reread it.

I haven't given up yet.  I still think it's possible for me to write a love story, it'll just take some time and lots of tries.  To the person that I said would get it as a birthday present:  Sorry.  I know I missed it a while ago, but you're going to have to wait for Christmas . . . possibly Christmas NEXT year!

I'm open to suggestions on a way to go about ways to make a romance unpredictable.  If I ever come up with a love story that I'm happy with, my readers here will be among the first to know.

In the interest of leaving you with something other than my frustrations (and instead leaving you with frustrations of you own), ask yourself this:  Is there something in your life that has become so predictable it's boring?  Are you ok with that?  Can you change it?  Should you change it?







P.S.  I got an email today from my Cyberstalker that had an attachment on it with the first submissions for the challenge I submitted a little while ago.  For those of you that forgot, I'm looking for writings about writer's block.  It can be poems, stories, prose, or anything else you can think of.  I'm working on a page for my website on which I intend to include any and all submissions I get.  It's not too late to submit (especially seeing as how I only just got my first submissions).

Illuminating the Path

I was listening to a radio show this evening.  I know.  Try not to die of shock.  Anyway, the host ended up somehow on a tangent talking about how the Bible is like a GPS.  He was saying that you need to know where you're going before it'll work for you and that most people don't really know where they're going.  I thought this was an incredibly weak and obvious point.  BO-RING!  I instead got caught up on his opening line for this analogy.

He started by talking about using a GPS to get somewhere.  One of the first things he said was that you had to look up from the GPS every now and then, because if you got too into the GPS you would run off the road.  He said it as a joke and not as a point.  However, when he started comparing the Bible to a GPS, I made a connection back to that earlier comment that he never touched (and frankly is much more interesting than his intended point).

Let's combine the two.  The Bible is like a GPS.  You have to look up occasionally from the GPS to make sure you don't drive off the road.  Anyone made the connection yet?  You have to get out of the word occasionally!

I've noticed that a lot of the people who yell about God on street corners know their Bible very well.  However, I can't help but wonder if they know anything about any of the people they're trying to influence.  I then have to wonder if they're doing any good.  (For further thoughts on this, see The Jesus Scepter.)  Basically, they have their noses so far into the Bible, they can't see the world around them and they lose sight of their path.  They run off the road.

If you don't like this analogy, fine.  I have several problems with it to.  No parable is perfect.  I'm not sure that a GPS is really a good analogy for the Bible in the first place (even if it did make a good point).  For the best analogy for the Bible as far as I'm concerned, we must look in the Bible itself:

"Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path."  Psalm 119:105 (NIV)

For those of you concerned, feel free to look at the context; I just don't feel like writing it all out.  Did you know Psalm 119 is the longest chapter in the Bible?  Neither did I.  I'm not even entirely sure if that's true, but it's certainly interesting.

Notice that the verse says that God's word is a lamp for your feet.  It's a light.  It's not a map and its definitely the path itself.  A light is very unlike a map in that a light only shows you a small portion of the path.  You don't get the full picture or even directions.  You just get a little illumination for when you really need it.  Still, the point from the GPS analogy has some validity in this new perspective.

Have you ever stared into a lamp for a long time?  Try it right now if you haven't.  Look at a lamp or some bright light for a couple of seconds.  Now try to read.  It's not so easy to do with the dark blob in the middle of your vision.  Looking directly at it and only it doesn't really do you much good.  Staring at a lamp won't show you the path and may in fact hide the path from your vision.  On the other hand if you allow the lamp to reflect off of the world around you, you find that you can suddenly see better than ever before.

God's word can be the same way.  So often, people get bogged down in trying to "decode" the Bible.  They sit there and get so far into it that they are blind to the world around them, much like paying attention to the GPS.  Instead, we should let the lamp shine on the world around us.  Use that lamp to see the world anew and suddenly it has a real function.  Suddenly you can find your way.

At the same time, however, you don't really want to go walking around at night without a lamp, do you?  While it may seem pointless in the light, once it gets dark, you need something to shine so that you can know where you're going.  In the same way (I just used a Jesus line!) God's word may seem pointless when the path is laid out plain before you.  You may find that it a little distracting even.  However, when your life is cast into shadows, you're going to want you lamp back.  When you can't see your path, God's word can shed enough light on the situation to keep you moving.

So are you too busy staring at the light to see your way?  Are the dark blobs preventing you from seeing the world around you?  Or are you letting the light do its job by illuminating your path?

All Hallows' Eve

Today is Halloween in case you didn't realize.  Happy Halloween!

I didn't really celebrate Halloween this year.  I realized that unless you're into parting or are still young enough that it's ok to trick or treat, your only options as far as celebrating Halloween are things designed to scare you.  I have a frightening enough imagination without help.  That being said, principles have nothing to do with my lack of Halloween festivities.

I caught the very end of a show the other day that drives me nuts.  It's called the 700 Club.  It's an almost news program run by fundamentalist Christians.  I avoid it if at all possible, but it comes on right before the Who's Line is it Anyway reruns on ABC Family, so I occasionally catch the ending of it.  The other night, the host was asked whether or not it was moral to celebrate Halloween.  He very nonchalantly brushed the question aside with, "Of course it's not moral to celebrate Halloween, but here are some ways for your kids to get candy, which is all the really want anyway . . . "

If I wasn't already frustrated with the show, that would have solidified it.

I'll start from the end of his comment and work my way to the beginning.  Not all kids like Halloween just because of the candy.  When I was a kid, I would end up just putting my candy in the kitchen for everyone else to eat every year.  For me, the exciting part was dressing up in costumes and getting to be someone else for the night.  I tended to do that regularly anyway, and this was a night where it was not only accepted, but encouraged!  THAT's why Halloween was fun for me.  Candy's boring.

Now we step back a statement.  There's already a way for kids to get candy on Halloween.  It's called trick or treating!!!  Problem solved.

Now the kicker:  "Of course it's not moral to celebrate Halloween . . . "  Oh goodness.  Where do I begin?  These days, Halloween, like virtually every other holiday, is a secular holiday.  For most people, it's simply a day where they can get out of themselves, quit taking themselves so seriously, and have some fun.  These days, it doesn't encourage demon worship or Satanism or anything like that.  I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but it doesn't.

You could say that Halloween is wrong because it's a secular holiday, but then you have to take out all of the secular elements of Valentine's Day, Christmas, and Easter.  What are you left with then?

You could more easily argue that Halloween is wrong because of its origins.  It started out from the idea that on All Saints' Day, all of the good souls that had passed on would be remembered.  Thus, the evil spirits would come out the night before to attempt to ruin it.  The idea came about at some point that if you disguised yourself, the demons wouldn't be able to get you.  That's where costumes came from.  Thus, you could say that Halloween is evil because it's based in some distinctly non-(traditional)-Christian beliefs.  But, dear reader, there is another problem with this:  Christmas.

Did you know that the birth of Christ is only recorded in one of the four gospels.  Furthermore, it is generally agreed that his birth didn't occur during the winter.  So then why is this holiday celebrated when it is?  Pagan holidays.  There are many pagan holidays that occur during the winter.  Many of our modern traditions such as lights, greenery, carols, and gift giving are all drawn from other festivals such as the pagan Yule festival and Saturnalia which was thrown in honor of the Roman god Saturn.  Does that sound any more Christian than belief in satanic creatures trying to wreck a holy day?

If we go based on origins, you're gonna have to knock out a lot of Christmas traditions in the process of fighting Halloween.  When you agree that it's not moral to have a Christmas tree, I'll agree that it's not moral to celebrate Halloween.

Personally, I celebrated Halloween by writing a story about writer's block.  I don't have any idea what this has to do with Halloween, so don't ask.  As I couldn't get past the irony of writing about writer's block, I want more.  Thus, I am issuing a challenge.  Write about writer's block!  Whatever your medium of choice, I want to hear it!  Write poems, stories, essays, research papers, prose, whatever!  I will set aside a special section on my website for any submissions I receive and make sure to link to it here.

If you are interested in submitting something, email me here:

veebjamn@yahoo.com

I'm looking forward to reading what you guys have to write, and I'll be extremely disappointed if I don't get any submissions.  I might cry a little.  Just saying.

Why I Overthink

The question of the day is "why".  Remember that.

Whether you believe me or not, everything happens for a reason.  I'm not being deep and philosophical.  I'm not suggesting some large-scale cosmic plan in which everything is working toward some common purpose.  I'm being very literal.  Everything happens for a reason.

Here are some examples.

You overslept this morning.  Why?  Your alarm didn't go off at the right time.  Why?  Your phone thought that it was daylight savings time.  Why?  Your phone gets its time from the phone company which provided it with the wrong time.  Why?  The government changed the date for daylight savings time relatively recently and your phone company didn't properly update to account for it.  Thus, you overslept because your phone company wasn't paying attention.

You broke up with your significant other.  Why?  They cheated on you.  Why?  They didn't feel they were getting what they needed from you, so they found it elsewhere.  Why?  They didn't properly communicate with you about what they needed out of the relationship.  Why?  You didn't ask.  Thus, you broke up with your significant other because you didn't communicate with them.

You failed your test.  Why?  You didn't study.  Why?  You thought you understood the material.  Why?  You seemed to understand it all in class.  Why?  You only paid attention to the examples he showed you that were easy and zoned out during the harder ones.  Thus, you failed your test because you zoned out during class.

You see?  Everything happens for a reason.  You could stop before any of the "why"s in these sequences and use that as your reason for why something happened.  You could also follow these reasons up with more "why"s and get completely different reasons.

I said that "why" is the question of the day.  I don't think people ask this question enough.  Asking why something happened can help you make sure that it doesn't happen again.  It can also lead you to believe that nothing is your fault and that ultimately someone else is responsible for your actions.  I'm not going to tell you that . . . today.  Not asking "why" enough means you aren't getting the whole story.  Asking "why" too much will lead you to eliminate the possibility of free will.  That's scary.

The trick, as is so often the trick, is moderation.  You have to ask "why" enough to get to a point that you can do something about it.

In the oversleeping example above, it's easy to continue on and pin the blame on the phone company, but if you do that, there's not really anything you can do about it.  If you stop sooner and look at the fact that your phone didn't know the correct time because it gets its information from the company, you find that there's a solution:  set another alarm that doesn't rely on anything but its own power.

In the breaking up example, it's extremely easy to stop at your significant other cheating on you, but that doesn't help anything.  Continuing on allows you to see that in future relationships, you need better communication. 

In the test example, it's easy to stop at "you didn't study", but that probably won't fix this problem in the future because of that reason's "why".  If you think you understand the material, even if you do force yourself to study, you won't study well because you think you understand it.  By following this one further, you find that you are zoning out in class which is something you can change, it will just take some work and may require a few more "why"s to reverse.

On the way back to my dorm tonight, I was, as I have found I enjoy doing more than I care to admit, listening to a radio show where people call in and talk about their problems.  Tonight, however, I found myself very frustrated with the people on the show, because they didn't ask that beautiful question of the day.

Most of the people in the show tonight were calling about problems with relationships.  Either it was that they had broken up with their significant other or that their family didn't approve of said other.  In both cases, these people didn't ask "why".  Your girlfriend's family is upset with her suddenly after she moves in with you before the two of you get married.  Why?  Your boyfriend feels like he can communicate with his friend better than with you.  Why?  Your family is calling you a whore.  Why?

It was driving me nuts.

If you are a regular reader, you have probably learned by now that I have a tendency to overthink things.  I know that about myself.  I'm ok with that.  I'm telling you this for a reason.  Why?  I think being an overthinker is much better than an underthinker.  Why?  If you underthink, you may end up stuck with something you can't change.  If you overthink, you can always back up a few steps and find something you can change.

You can follow the "why"s all the way back to the beginning of time.  I did it once.  It was scary.  It creates a long, complicated chain that inevitably makes everything God's fault.  Unfortunately, that takes the situation out of your hands.  You can settle for that and assume that nothing is your fault or you can realize that a chain doesn't work if it's missing a link.

By breaking the chain at a single point, you eliminate the end of it.  All you have to do is find one link in the chain that you can cut, and you can avoid ever reaching the end of that chain again.

By setting another alarm, communicating in future relationships, and making sure you don't zone out in class, you break the chain and make sure you don't reach the endings of oversleeping, nasty break ups and failing tests.  You just have to find the one link you're strong enough to break.

Just ask "why".  Overthinking isn't as bad as you think.

What Other People Wish For

Last night at Bible study, Preach'rman, in addition to putting me onto a new philosophical bend, told a story.  It was one I had heard many times before in many different ways, and you probably have to.  However, I must insist on forcing you to read it at least once more:

There were three friends who were all in college.  One attended Texas Tech, one was from UT and one was an Aggie.  The three friends decided one afternoon to go out on a lake.  As they were out in their boat, a storm blew up around them.  There was thunder and lightning and they couldn't see the shore.  Coincidentally, a lamp happened to float by.  One of them picked up the lamp and a genie came out of it offering each of them one wish.

The Texas Tech student said, "I wish I were safe back in Lubbock."  Suddenly, he was back in his dorm on the Tech campus.

The UT student stepped up next and said, "I wish I were safe back in Austin."  Suddenly, he was back in his dorm on the UT campus.

The Aggie, looking around at the storm.  He saw the lightning and heard the thunder.  He felt the waves rocking the boat beneath him and he was utterly terrified.  This was even worse now that he was alone.  He looked around and said, "Boy, I'm scared!  I sure wish I had my friends back!"

At the end of Preach'rman telling this story, someone said, "Be careful what you wish for!"  My mom leaned over and wisely whispered to me, "Be careful what OTHER people wish for!"  I laughed.

This didn't really strike me as anything important until this afternoon as I was doing my defensive driving course.  (Don't ask!)  The part I was working on today was talking about drunk driving.  (No.  That has nothing to do with why I was taking the course.)  It told the story that so many of us have been exposed to before.  It was the story of the very pretty girl who was hit by a drunk driver and was horribly horribly scarred.  I won't force you to look at the pictures, but in case you don't remember, Google Jacqueline Saburido.

This story made me think back to Preach'rman's story and my mom's comment.

We talk a lot about how our choices affect others, but do we ever really stop to consider the implications of that statement?  If everyone's choices affect someone else, doesn't that mean that someone else's decisions are inevitably affecting you?

I have a website set as my homepage that offers a new sci-fi flash fiction every day.  In case you don't know, flash fiction is like short stories but shorter.  The most famous example of flash fiction is from Ernest Hemmingway.  His friends challenged him to write a story using only six words.  This was the result:

For sale:  baby shoes, never worn.

This has spawned an entire (wonderful) website:  SixWordStories.net.

Most flash fiction does not put quite such a limitation as six words, but the idea of brevity in the story telling is the idea.  In Hemmingway's example, he has characters, plot, and story.  It is, in my opinion, a beautiful example.  The idea of flash fiction is to get in, give the reader the story, and get out.  My homepage, 365 tomorrows, limits their submissions to 600 words.  As you have probably gathered from this blog, brevity is not my gift.  I have great respect for these authors.

Believe it or not, this does apply to what I was talking about.  Bear with me.

I say all of this to set up today's flash fiction from 365 tomorrows:  To The End of Time, Or Lisa.  As I was watching the thing about Jacqueline, I was reminded of this story.  Particularly, I was reminded of this quote from when he is talking to Lisa:

"Both of us live in a different instance of our universe, everyone does, but the funny thing is, ours overlap at this exact moment."

I was reminded of this quote, because, were it not for the man's drinking, his instance of the universe likely would never have overlapped with Jacqeline's.  Likely, they would never have met each other.  And yet, in that one cataclysmic moment, their worlds crossed and neither were ever the same after that.  I'll admit it's an extreme example, but usually those are the ones that make you start to look at the idea.

If we generalize this, every time you meet a person, your life intersects with theirs.  As such, however small the change, you are never the same again.  Simply their presence in your life, if nothing else, changes you in the fact that you have now come in contact with one more person.

Now consider this.  That person chose to take the path they did that caused the two of you to meet.  Had they not chosen that path, you would never have met, your worlds would never have crossed, and you would remain unaffected by the interaction that never happened.  Thus, their choice changed your life forever.  Every time your world meets someone else's, their choice has changed you forever.

Sometimes, the world isn't fair.  If it were, your choices would affect you.  You would only ever be punished for your own mistakes and no one would be able to change you but you.  However, this is not the way it is.  Other people's choices do affect you every day.  You may not be able to buy what you want at the store, because someone chose to buy the last one.  You may miss the light, because someone else decided to drive slowly.  You may be horribly scarred in a car accident, because someone else decided to drink and drive.

You may be dragged back into the middle of the storm, because some Aggie gets scared.

"Be careful what other people wish for."

Life really isn't fair.

The Big Four Nine

I just looked at my screen when I logged in to post tonight and realized that this is my 49th post.  That means the next time I post will be the big five o!  This is an exciting thing for me!  Why?  Well that is the question.

I thought about just accepting that hitting my 50th post was just a big milestone and leave it at that.  ACHOO!  Then I realized, that's incredibly boring!  I can do better than that!  So I started thinking, what makes the 50th post more important than the 49th?

I thought about several reasons for these ranging from cosmic allignments to linguistic history.  I finally settled on number theory.  It made the most sense and had some actual basis in fact.

Our number system is base ten.  In other words, we have ten digits (zero through nine).  This means that ten is the first two digit number.  100 is ten squared.  That automatically makes it seem important.  Our number system is based on the number ten and this is ten ten times!  This automatically makes 50 important because it's halfway to 100!  You see?  It almost pretends to make sense!  The 50th post must be important!

Then I started thinking about the reasons why 100 is important.  It's ten squared.  Then I realized that 49 is also a square.  49 is seven squared.  49 is seven seven times!  This makes it important.  Why?  I'll tell you!

Seven has long been acknowledged as a perfect number.  When God created the world he did so in seven days (including the day of rest . . . which one always should include).  There are seven colors in a rainbow.  There are seven days in a week.  James Bond is Agent 007.  Seven rocks!

Personally, I think seven is a cooler number than ten.  Seven is perfect.  Ten's about as ordinary as you can get.  Therefore, I have decided that my 49th post is more important than my 50th.  Who's to tell me I'm wrong?  Who gets to decide which numbers are more important?  My opinion is that my opinion is more important than whoever makes those kind of rules!

Happy 49th post, Beneath the Curls!!!