Masculism and Other Evils

Let me start off by saying that I am 100% prepared for the angry comments, so bring them on.

(Ok, I'm actually only about 60% prepared, so maybe go a little easy on me.)

Masculism (n): political, cultural, and economic movements aimed at establishing and defending equal political, economic, and social rights and participation in society for men and boys. (Wikipedia)

The very idea of masculism in our current society is ridiculous. Most people (not the least of whom being whoever programmed the spellchecker on my computer) don't even recognize it as a word. If you bring up issues that men face, one of two things happen:

1. You are laughed at. "You're joking, right?"
2. You are told to shut up and quit whining. "Guys don't have it that bad!"

The first of the two responses usually comes up if you try to bring up such issues with no context. If you start talking about issues that concern men and boys without any kind of prompting, you are ignored or mocked.

The second response usually occurs if feminism is ever mentioned. I will grant you that the second of the two quoted phrases is true. Guys in developed countries don't have it that bad when compared to people in other situations. However, that same logic can be applied to women in developed countries. If you are reading this, you probably don't have it that bad compared to someone else. However, if we all give in to that "logic", you will inevitably have one person on Earth who is allowed to suffer, and everyone else just has to feel guilty about feeling bad about things. I suspect that one suffering person has one of the names on this list: The 100 Most Unfortunate Names in Human History.

My current favorite example of the second response came alongside this article:

HeForShe is Rotten for Men

The person who originally posted this link on Facebook for my reading pleasure did so with commentary that ridiculed the author and talked about how shocked they were that a woman would write it, completely ignoring any of the points the author brought up. I encourage you to read the article. If you are very in favor of HeForShe, try not to get angry, but instead look for the issues that affect men.

You see, the author screwed up.

She tried, she really tried, to bring up male-oriented issues in a way that would put them in the public eye. Unfortunately, she did so by attacking a rather large and powerful feminist movement. The saddest part about the whole thing is that she raised some very important points. Some were even brought up by Emma Watson when she originally introduced the HeForShe campaign. I'll lay them out here in case you couldn't get past the mildly "anti-feminist" (achoo) comments made therein:

• Divorced fathers' roles as parents being valued less than mothers'.
• Male victims of domestic abuse and sexual violence being virtually ignored.
• Wrongful accusations of rape.
• Sexual harassment policies that selectively penalize men.
• Lack of options to avoid unwanted parenthood once conception has occurred.
• Men not being allowed to bring up any of the above topics.

Those don't even get into higher conviction rates and harsher penalties for men as compared to women or any of the "small things" affecting younger boys. The whole idea of HeForShe is that Watson is encouraging men to be a part of the feminist movement and join in the discussion of gender equality. Unfortunately, as one particular paragraph in the article points out, that isn't really an option much of the time:

Men must, indeed, "feel welcome to participate in the conversation" about gender issues. But very few will do so if that "conversation" amounts to being told to "shut up and listen" while women talk about the horrible things men do to women, and being labeled misogynist for daring to point out that bad things happen to men too and that women are not always innocent victims in gender conflicts. A real conversation must let men talk not only about feminist-approved topics such as gender stereotypes that keep them from expressing their feelings, but about more controversial concerns . . . Such a conversation would also acknowledge that pressures on men to be successful come not only from "the patriarchy" but, often, from women as well. And it would include an honest discussion of parenthood, including many women's reluctance to give up or share the primary caregiver role.

If you want men to join in the discussion of gender equality, quit shutting them down for bringing up issues of gender inequality. The feminist movement is getting better about moving away from man-hating/blaming, but there is still no forum for us to discuss issues that men face. We're still just supposed to shut up about those.

All anyone can really do is call things the way they see them, so here's what I see on a near-daily basis at my job where I teach children about bicycle safety.

As part of the classes that we teach, the kids get an opportunity to ride our bikes through a course designed to allow them to learn and practice rules of the road to keep them . . . you know . . . not dead. We go through the process of making sure that every child has a helmet and bike that is the right size for them. Unfortunately, not all of our bikes are "gender neutral".

We work very hard to ensure that no child is made fun of for the bike that they are on, but here is what I still see far more regularly than I'd like: Because I have to put kids on bikes and in helmets based on size rather than gender, sometimes boys end up on pink or purple bikes or with pink or purple helmets. It happens. Sometimes those are the only ones I have available that fit them. The sad part is that even if they are not mocked openly at the time, you can see on their faces that they are concerned, knowing that, whether they are ever openly made fun of, they are being silently laughed at for riding on a "girl's bike" or wearing a "girl's helmet".

On a daily basis, I hear some comment about "girl's bikes". Only three times in the last year that I've worked there have I heard any complaints about "boy's bikes". Furthermore, two of those complaints were essentially jokes and none of the three girls who raised concerns were even noticed as out of the ordinary by their peers.

How I wish I could say the same about the boys.

You see, when you're younger, girls are allowed to do or play with whatever they want regardless of their gender. Girls can be into sports and cars and cooking and princesses and dolls. Girls can wear dresses, pants, shorts, and however many sparkles they do or don't want. They are encouraged to explore their interests. Boys, however, don't have those options. Boys, once they are into the years where people notice differences between boys and girls, are mocked (even if it is just silent laughter) when they play with dolls. We think that guys wearing dresses are hilarious. To boys, having makeup put on them is torture. Boys are encouraged to "man up".

Guys can have one of several labels in their youngest years. Sadly, these labels never completely leave them. They can be fairly easily condensed, however, into three basic ranks:

• Cool: The boys that fit into the mold of what is expected of young men. They like sports, cars, fighting, and are ambitious and express only the emotions of happiness and anger.
• Nerd: The boys that aren't exactly feminine, but don't like the things boys are expected to like. They include basically everyone that isn't into the things "cool" boys are into, but haven't received the dreaded lowest ranking . . . yet.
• Gay: The boys that at some point did or liked something feminine or showed emotions such as sadness or fear and are now forever pariahs that should not be trusted under any circumstances.

Why does this matter? Because there is a clear descending order of respect through those ranks and no easy way to move back up without changing your personality and/or completely lying about who you are. To learn more about this issue, please read this Ben approved article:

Why Straight Men Are Right to Be Afraid of Homosexuality

My point in all of this is not to diminish the suffering of women or any other social group in any way. My point is that there are issues that apply to men. There are certainly areas in which society still values women less than men, but there are also areas in which society values men less than women. While the feminist movement claims to be working toward gender equality, its very name and definition exclude men's issues from the conversation.

Feminism (n): a collection of movements and ideologies aimed at defining, establishing, and defending equal political, economic, cultural, and social rights for women. (Wikipedia)

I am not much of a feminist. I'm sorry, but I'm not. This isn't a political statement. This isn't an endorsement of any idea contrary to feminism. It's simply a statement of fact. I do not consider myself to be a feminist, because I simply don't see it as a movement that needs my support. There are enough feminists out there already. You don't need me.

I am a bit of a masculist. I clearly see issues of gender inequality that lean in women's favor on a daily basis. I'm not a huge advocate. Again, this is simply a statement of fact. To be perfectly honest, I don't think of myself in this regard much either, because masculism simply isn't recognized as a genuine movement.

Honestly, I don't think either of these terms suggest someone that is truly interested in complete gender equality. Both ideas are focused on the "equality" of one gender in particular (which to me is a bit contradictory at this point). I think it's time we quit pretending to work toward complete gender equality. If we as a society are going to work toward that, great! Let's quit playing make-believe and what-if and actually do the work! If a man and a woman both want a position and both are equally qualified for it, they should have an equal shot. This means everywhere: in business, politics, and in the home. Women should be able to run for president without being considered crazy or power hungry. Men should be allowed to be a stay-at-home parent without being called lazy or unambitious.

Pari passu is a Latin phrase that essentially means "on equal footing". This is what we are actually all wanting to work toward, isn't it? Let's ditch feminism and masculism. Let's quit contradicting ourselves by making things "equal" for just one sex. Let's start working toward genuine gender equality.

I'm not a feminist.

I'm not a masculist.

I'm a paripassist.

(Or whatever word someone more clever than me comes up with.)