This has been one of the many things that has been on my mind lately. Why haven't I been posting? It's not that I don't have time. It's not that I don't have thoughts. It's not that I don't like doing it. But back when I started, I would look forward to writing this all day. I would think and plan about what I would write about that evening and plan my day so that I'd have time to write it. Now, it's not the same for some reason.
Whenever all other techniques fail me, as they often do, I revert to my standard practice of overthinking it. The mystery of my motivations (or lack there of) is no exception. I have managed to narrow down my possible reasons to two possibilities:
- I'm out of the swing of it.
- Whatever reason I had for needing this blog is being better fulfilled.
I've obviously gotten out of my habit of writing this every night. That much is certain. It's completely possible, however, that that's the only reason. We humans, however inconsistent and unpredictable we may seem at times, are disgustingly consistent, predictable creatures of habit. If writing a blog every night is not part of your routine, you probably won't do it. If it is, it'll be difficult to not do it.
This summer, while I was working at camp, it was really difficult to have any kind of consistency in my posting. As such, I went at least a solid eleven weeks with no consistent posting. Supposedly, it takes six weeks to make or break a habit. By the end of camp, I had broken this habit twice over. With this in mind, it makes perfect sense that I haven't been writing. It's no longer a habit or part of my routine, so I have only written when I've felt guilty about not writing or when I had a thought burning in me.
I so wish that my brain would let me stop there and accept that as an explanation of my motives: Mystery solved! In fact, I fully accepted this explanation for a while, but would my mind permanently accept this?
Of course not.
Thus, we come to possible explanation number two, AKA the psychologist's overly thought out and ALMOST plausible theory.
However possible, and likely, it is that I simply haven't been writing because I'm out of the habit, It's at least almost as possible that the reason I haven't been writing is deeper: I haven't needed to. Someone seriously over analyzing the situation (me) would say that I wouldn't have started writing this blog to begin with if I didn't need to for some reason. Thus, the fact that I haven't been writing would suggest that this need either no longer applies to me or is being fulfilled in some other way.
Fortunately, I haven't been able to pin down any solid reason as to why I started this blog other than I had been wanting to for a long time. Since I can't find any reason why I started it, I can't figure out how this need would be fulfilled. I'm open to listening to any theories you have on the subject, but for now I'm satisfied with the fact that I can't find the thing that holds this whole theory together: a reason.
Since I have (at least until someone comes up with a good reason to support number two) accepted number one, I must take responsibility for the fact that I haven't been writing. Dang.
I won't give you the promises I have in the past. I'm not going to say that I'm going to start writing more frequently, because we've all seen how well that's worked out lately. If, however, I don't start writing regularly again, know that I haven't quit writing. I'm still slowly chipping away at my novel, building a short story universe that I hope to put together into a novelette, and currently writing a Christmas puppet script. I'm also, as soon as I finish this post, going to be looking at some other writing opportunities.
I'll do my best to write, but I make no promises.
I will give you a wholehearted, "we'll see!" And is there really anything more than that that you can ask from anyone in this world?
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